Well gather round the campfire kids, its time for me to bare my soul to you all once again. Its amazing that I can do it so easily to you guys and really not think about what you guys think and sometimes not even talk to the ones I love.
I'm so fucked up emotionally right now that its actually becoming funny to me. Guys Honeltly I've lost my ambition to do literally everything eat,( im down to 135 lbs) go places, hell go outside, I don't get excited about anything. I should be totally amped about theis apartment but its just become another chore just like the gym became another choreand so did karate. I don't even get sexually excited that much anymore....or it takes a real heluva or an effort.
I won't lie either suidice has come axorss my mind more than a few time. I call the approcatie numbers though and then try to think about things like what you all would think if I were gone (you wouldn't have any more nude pics of me
)
It's just so frustarting becuase every doctor I see dosnet know whats wrong, my parents really don't want to hear about it anymore and hell I'm frustarted with myself for feeling like this.
There's someone I really would like a realtionship with donw the road but what good am I to her if I can't even fucking take care of myself. I'm fucking no good that's what. It's sad really sad.
My bosses at work found out about all this when they overheard me on the phone to of my helplines and we agreed that the job my have been to stressfl for me so now once again I'm jobless. Again what good am I to someone if I want a realtionship if I can't even hold donw a job...fucking useless. ERRR it makes me mad and sad at the same time.
But I've decided that the next job I get will only be part time so I acually have "me" time sometimg I've never given mylsef. That wat I don't loose my current benefits and I don't have to worry about health coverage. If a better job comses along that is full time I'll take it but I need to be able to handle it.
I feel like such a kid I'm 22 almost 23 and can't handle the simple stress of life. I thought I'd never think about suicde again and its not as though I don't have a good life. I'm just com[pletly and utterly burnt out. and I feel as though theres nothing I can do to get back the ambtion that I once had.
Hopefully though the upped dosage of meds that the doc persciped will work and everything will be fine. Maybe that's all I need. Hopefully none of you will think any less of me either, just know that I am trying and that its a constant battle. And hopeflly once she reads this that gurl will stilll will at least want to talk to me but I know if she dosen't that this is allot for any person to take in.
-T
I'm so fucked up emotionally right now that its actually becoming funny to me. Guys Honeltly I've lost my ambition to do literally everything eat,( im down to 135 lbs) go places, hell go outside, I don't get excited about anything. I should be totally amped about theis apartment but its just become another chore just like the gym became another choreand so did karate. I don't even get sexually excited that much anymore....or it takes a real heluva or an effort.
I won't lie either suidice has come axorss my mind more than a few time. I call the approcatie numbers though and then try to think about things like what you all would think if I were gone (you wouldn't have any more nude pics of me
)
It's just so frustarting becuase every doctor I see dosnet know whats wrong, my parents really don't want to hear about it anymore and hell I'm frustarted with myself for feeling like this.
There's someone I really would like a realtionship with donw the road but what good am I to her if I can't even fucking take care of myself. I'm fucking no good that's what. It's sad really sad.
My bosses at work found out about all this when they overheard me on the phone to of my helplines and we agreed that the job my have been to stressfl for me so now once again I'm jobless. Again what good am I to someone if I want a realtionship if I can't even hold donw a job...fucking useless. ERRR it makes me mad and sad at the same time.
But I've decided that the next job I get will only be part time so I acually have "me" time sometimg I've never given mylsef. That wat I don't loose my current benefits and I don't have to worry about health coverage. If a better job comses along that is full time I'll take it but I need to be able to handle it.
I feel like such a kid I'm 22 almost 23 and can't handle the simple stress of life. I thought I'd never think about suicde again and its not as though I don't have a good life. I'm just com[pletly and utterly burnt out. and I feel as though theres nothing I can do to get back the ambtion that I once had.
Hopefully though the upped dosage of meds that the doc persciped will work and everything will be fine. Maybe that's all I need. Hopefully none of you will think any less of me either, just know that I am trying and that its a constant battle. And hopeflly once she reads this that gurl will stilll will at least want to talk to me but I know if she dosen't that this is allot for any person to take in.
-T
hey, when your rock bottom, things can only get better.
hang in there.
be strong.
im almost 21 and i dont wanna get a job because i get overly stressed and depressed over them. like severly depressed. but ill be okay.
and i kinda understand what u mean.
ive been kinda going through what ur going through. but im trying to stay positive.
do that for me ok?
feel better... dont be too hard on yourself. because becoming too upset at urself just makes things crazy. talk to you soon.