I have a lot on my mind. I just finished my paperwork for leaving soon, rejected by my friend and another strange sensation of rejection.
I guess what bothers me the most right now is my impending leaving. I don't think I am coming back to the home I've lived any time soon. I have been here for near 15 years in the same home. I have seen too many people than I would like come and go. It is finally my time to go but...I feel a strange sense of bitterness mixed with longing. Friends who have left me to continue their lives, relationships that never pan out, and a family that I love with all my heart but I know I have to leave. That is what I am going to leave behind and with all my might never look back. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I don't think so...But, I have learned too quickly in this life that you can never be 100% sure of anything. Not a single damned thing.
I have tried to change my mindset about love as recently as my fingers touched the keyboard. My best friend said no...And that hurt but I understand. Then someone else who I thought would be someone I kept in touch with in my life has forgotten about me. Is it just me or is that not how life is supposed to be. That each person is just a passing figure. None of them are a passing figure to me. I invest a little bit of myself into each friendship that I develop and to see them fall apart just bothers me. It doesn't just bother me but break my heart a little bit each time. I'm happy that I am a hopeless romantic. Not just one that calls themselves that to feel better about themselves. I fall in love a little bit with each person that I develop any kind of connection with. Yeah, I have my complaints but I am sure others have the same about me. There develops a thought in my head that I might not be good enough for these kind of relationships and friendships. Then I think...FUCK THAT. They are not good enough for me. Anyway... Music time.
Lorde- Teams
I love her voice. She has a real somber and tired tone about her in this song despite the positive message of this song. It still surprises me that she is as young as she is. What do you think?
Grizzly Bears- Two Weeks
The video is kinda strange. Those are not the singers but their faces are super imposed on others. It's a bit quirky but so is the song.
And a classic favorite of mine! The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonigh
And last but not least. Of Monsters and Men - Dirty Paws
Might sound familiar to some. It was on the trailer and soundtrack for the movie The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. For some reason it is a little inspirational to me. That and the lead singer is just really cute. The girl...I mean the chubby guy is cute too but I don't swing that way.
