I don't know what I am feeling right now. Though, I know it isn't sadness that I am feeling. I think it has to be a mix of exhaustion and pessimism.
I have been going to the gym for the last two weeks. Going there and pushing myself as hard as I can five times a week and today is the my third day in a row going to work out thankfully I do not have work as well. It seems like my job is a second workout since the now load merchandise for my store into people trucks after requesting a transfer. It's hard work since they order refrigerators and dryers. We load dozens of home appliances each day as well as lawnmowers and a bevy of other things for hardware as well. It good work I am tired each day and I am covered in dirt and sweat.
Though, my pessimism I think comes from the fact I saw a cute girl at the gym today at work. She was really rather stunning in my eyes and I am sure many others. I could not help but feel embarrassed that I would be as bold to stare at her. Deep down I wanted to go up to her and tell her "You are incredibly beautiful and it really shows how much work you put into your body. You are an inspiration to many people. I just want you to know that." There was nothing sexual in my mind and I for once didn't think of it. I only imagined sleeping in bed and having her there asleep with me with a smile on both of faces. But I couldn't I in truth have a crippling sense of self doubt and inferiority that I somehow have convinced myself will go away when I lose all this weight. So, I lowered my eyes as if I had been looking at something shameful and just kept working hard myself.
I have also found myself reading, erm, listening to a wonderful books called Pillars of Earth by Ken Follett. It is a wonderful book that I have been listening to as I work on my cardio. I have made it my mission not only to listen to music as I work out but also my mind. As I lift weight I listen to the news making sure to take not of everything I can. Then when I got on cardio for near and hour I listen to the book. It makes the time pass by fast and before i know it has been two hours that I have been at the gym.
Anyway, here is some music.
I have been going to the gym for the last two weeks. Going there and pushing myself as hard as I can five times a week and today is the my third day in a row going to work out thankfully I do not have work as well. It seems like my job is a second workout since the now load merchandise for my store into people trucks after requesting a transfer. It's hard work since they order refrigerators and dryers. We load dozens of home appliances each day as well as lawnmowers and a bevy of other things for hardware as well. It good work I am tired each day and I am covered in dirt and sweat.
Though, my pessimism I think comes from the fact I saw a cute girl at the gym today at work. She was really rather stunning in my eyes and I am sure many others. I could not help but feel embarrassed that I would be as bold to stare at her. Deep down I wanted to go up to her and tell her "You are incredibly beautiful and it really shows how much work you put into your body. You are an inspiration to many people. I just want you to know that." There was nothing sexual in my mind and I for once didn't think of it. I only imagined sleeping in bed and having her there asleep with me with a smile on both of faces. But I couldn't I in truth have a crippling sense of self doubt and inferiority that I somehow have convinced myself will go away when I lose all this weight. So, I lowered my eyes as if I had been looking at something shameful and just kept working hard myself.
I have also found myself reading, erm, listening to a wonderful books called Pillars of Earth by Ken Follett. It is a wonderful book that I have been listening to as I work on my cardio. I have made it my mission not only to listen to music as I work out but also my mind. As I lift weight I listen to the news making sure to take not of everything I can. Then when I got on cardio for near and hour I listen to the book. It makes the time pass by fast and before i know it has been two hours that I have been at the gym.
Anyway, here is some music.
And here is some funny things to brighten your day.
Also, I have lost close to 20 pounds now so.....
I hope that made your day brighter. I don't blog for myself....Well, not the whole reason. Have a good day and please feel free to leave me a comment. Always makes my day to hear from you guys. 