experientia fallax
The hiatus was quite short actually. But good. I started a new Quasi Journal to ease the loading problems of the old document. I'm getting used to walking/running to work from my house. I'm rebuilding the muscle I lost to the fever sickness.
And someone gave me a gift today. I got some serious closure. Some quite plain, pain of death closure. I am quite happy. Relieved. Disappointed that hushed instincts were correct but happy the whole thing is wrapped up. No more denouement. Finished. So all the related problems are *pop* gone. No worries. Well I guess the only worry is that a journal could be considered "contact." I should seriously hope not. To read this takes effort. A level of effort I do not expect to occur.
Drinking yorkshire tea in the morning with milk and I guess in the evening. If I can find a cigar I'll have one as well though not in tandem. Stupid to drink tea this late though.
Dad again at me last night with the idea of moving home. Played the "I'll be gone one day card." Not very fair. A guilt induceing idea. But my life is in Asheville. I'm living a dream of sorts. A day job that afford me excerise and pay but no real responsibility. A studio and room of my own. Friends of many strips and skills. Confidence and ambition. The greatest writer ever. I bet that sets your hairs on end. Arrogant to desire? Not in pretention do I desire it but just is a chest swelling name lives as long as man sort- ah fuck I don't have to justify it. What greater goal that greatest writer ever? To change human nature? Perhaps through a structural change. Marcus on that subject in a bit. But I don't think I would be happy home. A fantasy of living there. Working the garden. With no income and my dad as a roommate I think I would develop issues quickly. I can talk about most subjects in Asheville. Back home I have often been met with, "You're crazy." I won't deny that but I like it when it works.
So that leaves dad with selling the house. Which would be strange. Very strange. Where would he go? This is a little too personal for the few who read this. I think only Keen and guitargeek read this but I'm fine with that. Both quite good people. To say nothing against my other friends on here. Pav is good of course. I love how self absorbed a online journal is. But as someone, or perhaps I said, "Do, do not doubt." But then Descartes gets all huffy and the Hume steps in and well, Modern Philosphy all over again.
I read Meditations from time to time. It seems I have lent out my hard copy. Which vexes me a little. Vexes. Silly. But I do recommend Stoic thought. Remember the first teacher is life. And Vita Brevis.
So now Marcus Aurelius from Book 4 of his Meditations. This is not linear just things that strike me. ( http://classics.mit.edu//Antoninus/meditations.4.four.html )
"
Consider, for example, the times of Vespasian. Thou wilt see all these things, people marrying, bringing up children, sick, dying, warring, feasting, trafficking, cultivating the ground, flattering, obstinately arrogant, suspecting, plotting, wishing for some to die, grumbling about the present, loving, heaping up treasure, desiring counsulship, kingly power. Well then, that life of these people no longer exists at all. Again, remove to the times of Trajan. Again, all is the same. Their life too is gone. In like manner view also the other epochs of time and of whole nations, and see how many after great efforts soon fell and were resolved into the elements. But chiefly thou shouldst think of those whom thou hast thyself known distracting themselves about idle things, neglecting to do what was in accordance with their proper constitution, and to hold firmly to this and to be content with it. And herein it is necessary to remember that the attention given to everything has its proper value and proportion. For thus thou wilt not be dissatisfied, if thou appliest thyself to smaller matters no further than is fit.
"
But the death defying artist who wants memory chafes at this and then a part of me wants to say to long dead Marcus, 'but you continue to influence people with your work."
Willingly give thyself up to Clotho, one of the Fates, allowing her to spin thy thread into whatever things she pleases.
Everything is only for a day, both that which remembers and that which is remembered.
Examine men's ruling principles, even those of the wise, what kind of things they avoid, and what kind they pursue.
Constantly regard the universe as one living being, having one substance and one soul; and observe how all things have reference to one perception, the perception of this one living being; and how all things act with one movement; and how all things are the cooperating causes of all things which exist; observe too the continuous spinning of the thread and the contexture of the web.
Thou art a little soul bearing about a corpse, as Epictetus used to say.
It is no evil for things to undergo change, and no good for things to subsist in consequence of change.
Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too.
Be like the promontory against which the waves continually break, but it stands firm and tames the fury of the water around it.
Unhappy am I because this has happened to me.- Not so, but happy am I, though this has happened to me, because I continue free from pain, neither crushed by the present nor fearing the future. For such a thing as this might have happened to every man; but every man would not have continued free from pain on such an occasion. Why then is that rather a misfortune than this a good fortune? And dost thou in all cases call that a man's misfortune, which is not a deviation from man's nature? And does a thing seem to thee to be a deviation from man's nature, when it is not contrary to the will of man's nature? Well, thou knowest the will of nature. Will then this which has happened prevent thee from being just, magnanimous, temperate, prudent, secure against inconsiderate opinions and falsehood; will it prevent thee from having modesty, freedom, and everything else, by the presence of which man's nature obtains all that is its own? Remember too on every occasion which leads thee to vexation to apply this principle: not that this is a misfortune, but that to bear it nobly is good fortune.
"
That last bit could have helped me but it also would have hurt me in a sense. But the river rushes by and I remember moderation and so too in reason. The whispering instinct and the timidy masquerading as reason and reason who speaks quietest of all. Reason based on availible information and information is always being gain. Or corrected.
the base bit: http://classics.mit.edu//Antoninus/meditations.html so much good stuff in there. You'll probably enjoy reading. I envy those of you who know greek.
My swingline stapler is chrome. My brace of fountain pens are full. I'm going to mark some pages and smoke a cigar.
Hope you all are well. And remember: "Look within. Within is the fountain of good, and it will ever bubble up, if thou wilt ever dig." Marcus Aurelius
The hiatus was quite short actually. But good. I started a new Quasi Journal to ease the loading problems of the old document. I'm getting used to walking/running to work from my house. I'm rebuilding the muscle I lost to the fever sickness.
And someone gave me a gift today. I got some serious closure. Some quite plain, pain of death closure. I am quite happy. Relieved. Disappointed that hushed instincts were correct but happy the whole thing is wrapped up. No more denouement. Finished. So all the related problems are *pop* gone. No worries. Well I guess the only worry is that a journal could be considered "contact." I should seriously hope not. To read this takes effort. A level of effort I do not expect to occur.
Drinking yorkshire tea in the morning with milk and I guess in the evening. If I can find a cigar I'll have one as well though not in tandem. Stupid to drink tea this late though.
Dad again at me last night with the idea of moving home. Played the "I'll be gone one day card." Not very fair. A guilt induceing idea. But my life is in Asheville. I'm living a dream of sorts. A day job that afford me excerise and pay but no real responsibility. A studio and room of my own. Friends of many strips and skills. Confidence and ambition. The greatest writer ever. I bet that sets your hairs on end. Arrogant to desire? Not in pretention do I desire it but just is a chest swelling name lives as long as man sort- ah fuck I don't have to justify it. What greater goal that greatest writer ever? To change human nature? Perhaps through a structural change. Marcus on that subject in a bit. But I don't think I would be happy home. A fantasy of living there. Working the garden. With no income and my dad as a roommate I think I would develop issues quickly. I can talk about most subjects in Asheville. Back home I have often been met with, "You're crazy." I won't deny that but I like it when it works.
So that leaves dad with selling the house. Which would be strange. Very strange. Where would he go? This is a little too personal for the few who read this. I think only Keen and guitargeek read this but I'm fine with that. Both quite good people. To say nothing against my other friends on here. Pav is good of course. I love how self absorbed a online journal is. But as someone, or perhaps I said, "Do, do not doubt." But then Descartes gets all huffy and the Hume steps in and well, Modern Philosphy all over again.
I read Meditations from time to time. It seems I have lent out my hard copy. Which vexes me a little. Vexes. Silly. But I do recommend Stoic thought. Remember the first teacher is life. And Vita Brevis.
So now Marcus Aurelius from Book 4 of his Meditations. This is not linear just things that strike me. ( http://classics.mit.edu//Antoninus/meditations.4.four.html )
"
Consider, for example, the times of Vespasian. Thou wilt see all these things, people marrying, bringing up children, sick, dying, warring, feasting, trafficking, cultivating the ground, flattering, obstinately arrogant, suspecting, plotting, wishing for some to die, grumbling about the present, loving, heaping up treasure, desiring counsulship, kingly power. Well then, that life of these people no longer exists at all. Again, remove to the times of Trajan. Again, all is the same. Their life too is gone. In like manner view also the other epochs of time and of whole nations, and see how many after great efforts soon fell and were resolved into the elements. But chiefly thou shouldst think of those whom thou hast thyself known distracting themselves about idle things, neglecting to do what was in accordance with their proper constitution, and to hold firmly to this and to be content with it. And herein it is necessary to remember that the attention given to everything has its proper value and proportion. For thus thou wilt not be dissatisfied, if thou appliest thyself to smaller matters no further than is fit.
"
But the death defying artist who wants memory chafes at this and then a part of me wants to say to long dead Marcus, 'but you continue to influence people with your work."
Willingly give thyself up to Clotho, one of the Fates, allowing her to spin thy thread into whatever things she pleases.
Everything is only for a day, both that which remembers and that which is remembered.
Examine men's ruling principles, even those of the wise, what kind of things they avoid, and what kind they pursue.
Constantly regard the universe as one living being, having one substance and one soul; and observe how all things have reference to one perception, the perception of this one living being; and how all things act with one movement; and how all things are the cooperating causes of all things which exist; observe too the continuous spinning of the thread and the contexture of the web.
Thou art a little soul bearing about a corpse, as Epictetus used to say.
It is no evil for things to undergo change, and no good for things to subsist in consequence of change.
Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too.
Be like the promontory against which the waves continually break, but it stands firm and tames the fury of the water around it.
Unhappy am I because this has happened to me.- Not so, but happy am I, though this has happened to me, because I continue free from pain, neither crushed by the present nor fearing the future. For such a thing as this might have happened to every man; but every man would not have continued free from pain on such an occasion. Why then is that rather a misfortune than this a good fortune? And dost thou in all cases call that a man's misfortune, which is not a deviation from man's nature? And does a thing seem to thee to be a deviation from man's nature, when it is not contrary to the will of man's nature? Well, thou knowest the will of nature. Will then this which has happened prevent thee from being just, magnanimous, temperate, prudent, secure against inconsiderate opinions and falsehood; will it prevent thee from having modesty, freedom, and everything else, by the presence of which man's nature obtains all that is its own? Remember too on every occasion which leads thee to vexation to apply this principle: not that this is a misfortune, but that to bear it nobly is good fortune.
"
That last bit could have helped me but it also would have hurt me in a sense. But the river rushes by and I remember moderation and so too in reason. The whispering instinct and the timidy masquerading as reason and reason who speaks quietest of all. Reason based on availible information and information is always being gain. Or corrected.
the base bit: http://classics.mit.edu//Antoninus/meditations.html so much good stuff in there. You'll probably enjoy reading. I envy those of you who know greek.
My swingline stapler is chrome. My brace of fountain pens are full. I'm going to mark some pages and smoke a cigar.
Hope you all are well. And remember: "Look within. Within is the fountain of good, and it will ever bubble up, if thou wilt ever dig." Marcus Aurelius
Good times, good times!