Secret to weight/fat loss and muscle gain:
1.) Eating lots of healthy food like veggies/fruits/fish/chicken but in small portions. I mean lots, but keep your calories low, use common sense. This keeps your metabolism going. By eating small you can continuously feed yourself but you'll always feel hungry unless you eat something with a lot of protein or fiber. And as always, listen to your body. Does your stomach hurt from hunger? Should probably go eat. And eat slow to let your body register the food. If you're craving a doughnut eat a fucking doughnut. If your stomach isn't hurting you for food it's because you're a fat ass and you have an eating problem, so as much as you want that doughnut, there's a difference between want and need. So go do some crunches, fatty, and let your body think about it. And do not eat before going to bed! Do not eat first thing in the morning! Exercise, wait 30 after that, then eat.
2.) Drink lots of water. I'm not saying chug water which can lead to water intoxication, look that up! I've had it before, it's not fun. I've also been severely dehydrated before from not drinking enough. That's what you get for walking in the deserts of kuwait in mid July. Or even in the middle of winter in the Arctic. Anytime your body is exposed to an extreme you're going to have to drink more water. This also leads right back eating. I like to think of the body as a car. It needs gas. The better the gas the better it'll perform. The harder you ride your car the more gas it'll need. Your body is a princess, it's demanding and wants it's oompa loompa now.
3.) Exercise. Lots of it. Work something till you're something sore fierce and cannot perform the exercise properly anymore. Then, you find a variation that makes the same muscles work but it's easier. For example doing push ups and then when you can no longer do those right, do push ups on your knees and so fourth. Some scientist say you don't need to work that hard in order to see results. No fucking shit. I want to see bigger results and there's no such thing as a free lunch. Smoke the shit out of yourself. This leads right back to drinking water and eating. If you're not sore somewhere, work it till it is. If you're sore, don't work it. If you're sore everywhere, yeah, you're not working out for a minute.
4.) Meds: Get the fuck off them if you don't need them. In two months I gained 10 pounds from being on lexapro. And despite how hard I worked out, shit never seemed to shed. And a lot of paxil. I've taken meds a few times for long periods of times in my life. Guess when I was the chubbiest? When I was on that shit. After six weeks I would start losing weight and not looking so chubby. If you're super skinny, don't worry about it. Your tape worm won't mind. In fact, might do you some good? This also applies to the ladies and birth control! Not everybody is the same. Some work better for others. I've done all sorts of prescription drugs and have some funny stories. Find what works for you is what I'm saying, but you already knew that. But yes, meds for your head which leads to....
5.) SLEEP! Get proper amount of sleep. Sleep in a quiet place. Sleep until your body says no more sleep is needed. If you sleep four hours, wake up and feel super, you're good. Three hours later you're sleepy, take a nap. I know it's hard for you guys that have a job. I don't have one because uncle Sam owes me a lot of shit and now stacks that paper in my hand, but if you don't have anything going on and you're tired, be a fucking bum. Meds that give you insomnia, get the fuck off them or find something that will help with that shit. Or even better, MOTA. Go smoke a bowl. It makes you happy, hungry, sleepy. And it rocks for cuddles be it your dog your your main squeeze. Whatever you do, get good sleep. I know it's hard when society has us worked into these 9-5 jobs, but do your best or get a new job. Preferably, scheme a way to get out of working all together.
6.) Cigarettes: I do not suggest smoking. It is bad for you. I went from being able to run two miles in 13 minutes to barely pushing 16 minutes. Impotence sucks, wrinkles suck, black lungs suck, cold hands suck. It all sucks but god I love smokes. Oh, I also stopped running more so... that probably didn't help. Yeah, by the way, it increases you're metabolism by 15%, cigarettes. Naturally because it thins out your blood and by thinning out your blood your heart needs to pump harder. This is fine when you're young but it catches up to you. Smoking is also a hunger suppressant. It also leads to Water Diuresis which goes back to... drinking lots of water.
7.) Sex. Sex is very good for your body. Makes you happy, boost immunities, helps you burn calories if you fuck like an animal. It also feels great. It's supposed to. That's how nature designed it. Those that fuck reap the rewards. I mean, when you look at it without the whole it feels great and you're horny, it's actually really good for you. But um, be smart about sex. Disease, babies, coyote ugly etc.
8.) Moderation. Almost forgot. This has got to be the most important thing. All life is based on this, balance. Or if you're feeling geeky: the laws of equivalent exchange. People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. You must present something of equal value in order to gain something.
So that's about it. I'm a strong believer in Occram's Razor or lex parsimoniae. Or in lamen terms; keep it simple stupid, break it down barney style. Or something that Bruce Lee once said something about the quickest way from point A to B is straight. Does it make sense? If you're crazy, don't worry about it. You just keep on keeping on being... crazy. The laws of reality and common sense do not apply to you... much.
Cave men did not eat doughnuts. Cave men did not eat three square meals a day and they didn't go grocery shopping. They hunted when they were hungry, slept when they were tired, drank when they were thirsty and fucked when they were horny. Luckily we don't sleep in cold ass caves anymore or have to challenge a t-rex for dinner. We have our own self created problems now which means we can also fix them since we made them.
I'm sure you've met a lot of incredibly stupid people in awesome shape. It's really not that hard.
1.) Eating lots of healthy food like veggies/fruits/fish/chicken but in small portions. I mean lots, but keep your calories low, use common sense. This keeps your metabolism going. By eating small you can continuously feed yourself but you'll always feel hungry unless you eat something with a lot of protein or fiber. And as always, listen to your body. Does your stomach hurt from hunger? Should probably go eat. And eat slow to let your body register the food. If you're craving a doughnut eat a fucking doughnut. If your stomach isn't hurting you for food it's because you're a fat ass and you have an eating problem, so as much as you want that doughnut, there's a difference between want and need. So go do some crunches, fatty, and let your body think about it. And do not eat before going to bed! Do not eat first thing in the morning! Exercise, wait 30 after that, then eat.
2.) Drink lots of water. I'm not saying chug water which can lead to water intoxication, look that up! I've had it before, it's not fun. I've also been severely dehydrated before from not drinking enough. That's what you get for walking in the deserts of kuwait in mid July. Or even in the middle of winter in the Arctic. Anytime your body is exposed to an extreme you're going to have to drink more water. This also leads right back eating. I like to think of the body as a car. It needs gas. The better the gas the better it'll perform. The harder you ride your car the more gas it'll need. Your body is a princess, it's demanding and wants it's oompa loompa now.
3.) Exercise. Lots of it. Work something till you're something sore fierce and cannot perform the exercise properly anymore. Then, you find a variation that makes the same muscles work but it's easier. For example doing push ups and then when you can no longer do those right, do push ups on your knees and so fourth. Some scientist say you don't need to work that hard in order to see results. No fucking shit. I want to see bigger results and there's no such thing as a free lunch. Smoke the shit out of yourself. This leads right back to drinking water and eating. If you're not sore somewhere, work it till it is. If you're sore, don't work it. If you're sore everywhere, yeah, you're not working out for a minute.
4.) Meds: Get the fuck off them if you don't need them. In two months I gained 10 pounds from being on lexapro. And despite how hard I worked out, shit never seemed to shed. And a lot of paxil. I've taken meds a few times for long periods of times in my life. Guess when I was the chubbiest? When I was on that shit. After six weeks I would start losing weight and not looking so chubby. If you're super skinny, don't worry about it. Your tape worm won't mind. In fact, might do you some good? This also applies to the ladies and birth control! Not everybody is the same. Some work better for others. I've done all sorts of prescription drugs and have some funny stories. Find what works for you is what I'm saying, but you already knew that. But yes, meds for your head which leads to....
5.) SLEEP! Get proper amount of sleep. Sleep in a quiet place. Sleep until your body says no more sleep is needed. If you sleep four hours, wake up and feel super, you're good. Three hours later you're sleepy, take a nap. I know it's hard for you guys that have a job. I don't have one because uncle Sam owes me a lot of shit and now stacks that paper in my hand, but if you don't have anything going on and you're tired, be a fucking bum. Meds that give you insomnia, get the fuck off them or find something that will help with that shit. Or even better, MOTA. Go smoke a bowl. It makes you happy, hungry, sleepy. And it rocks for cuddles be it your dog your your main squeeze. Whatever you do, get good sleep. I know it's hard when society has us worked into these 9-5 jobs, but do your best or get a new job. Preferably, scheme a way to get out of working all together.
6.) Cigarettes: I do not suggest smoking. It is bad for you. I went from being able to run two miles in 13 minutes to barely pushing 16 minutes. Impotence sucks, wrinkles suck, black lungs suck, cold hands suck. It all sucks but god I love smokes. Oh, I also stopped running more so... that probably didn't help. Yeah, by the way, it increases you're metabolism by 15%, cigarettes. Naturally because it thins out your blood and by thinning out your blood your heart needs to pump harder. This is fine when you're young but it catches up to you. Smoking is also a hunger suppressant. It also leads to Water Diuresis which goes back to... drinking lots of water.
7.) Sex. Sex is very good for your body. Makes you happy, boost immunities, helps you burn calories if you fuck like an animal. It also feels great. It's supposed to. That's how nature designed it. Those that fuck reap the rewards. I mean, when you look at it without the whole it feels great and you're horny, it's actually really good for you. But um, be smart about sex. Disease, babies, coyote ugly etc.
8.) Moderation. Almost forgot. This has got to be the most important thing. All life is based on this, balance. Or if you're feeling geeky: the laws of equivalent exchange. People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. You must present something of equal value in order to gain something.
So that's about it. I'm a strong believer in Occram's Razor or lex parsimoniae. Or in lamen terms; keep it simple stupid, break it down barney style. Or something that Bruce Lee once said something about the quickest way from point A to B is straight. Does it make sense? If you're crazy, don't worry about it. You just keep on keeping on being... crazy. The laws of reality and common sense do not apply to you... much.
Cave men did not eat doughnuts. Cave men did not eat three square meals a day and they didn't go grocery shopping. They hunted when they were hungry, slept when they were tired, drank when they were thirsty and fucked when they were horny. Luckily we don't sleep in cold ass caves anymore or have to challenge a t-rex for dinner. We have our own self created problems now which means we can also fix them since we made them.
I'm sure you've met a lot of incredibly stupid people in awesome shape. It's really not that hard.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
niobe:
Good tips.
fashionista:
hahaha 