I successfully finished my first quarter at UCI. I didn't make straight A's like I wanted to, but I at least managed to get at least one A. The other's are going to be, like, "B+"'s. Sigh. I was going through so many changes this quarter. I'll do better next quarter. Also, I am now minoring in mathematics. I'm very excited to take my first upper division math class next quarter.
I am totally in love with someone I shouldn't be. Its ridiculous. He's at least 25 years older than I am. People joke about the older guy/younger girl thing.... but I really like dating older guys. I don't want to be in a relationship right now... and I need a lot of personal space. I don't want to have to see or talk to someone every day. But when I do find that one person I'm passionately, madly, hopelessly sexually and intellectually attracted to, where I can't stop thinking about them, and they can keep me on my toes, understand me better than I can, yet I still surprise them, can talk about geeky things with a mastery of knowledge and joke about silliness in between... and knows how to fuck properly and pay attention to me without being like a dog...
I think I've figured out why girls, (at least me!) don't go for the "nice guys". Its because they don't seem like they'd know how to fuck a girl properly in bed. I don't want soft, gentle, vanilla sex. I want someone to take charge and be passionate, not inhibited. Guys who fall into the "Nice guy syndrome" category seem inhibited. That's what it really comes down to. That said, I've learned the hard way how to spot a jerk. I don't want a machismo asshole, who is vigorously trying to fuck a hole - I want someone confident who fucks me but is concerned with my pleasure.
Also, try as I might to be open-hearted, I just can't force myself to be attracted to someone I just don't feel it about. Certainly, there are times when I meet someone I "like", but don't really love. Those are the ones that keep me from being celibate although I'm single.
Sigh. Why am I so madly infatuated with this one person? I will have to wait a long time for the chance to be close to him, at least physically. All I can do for now is try to get to know him, one conversation at a time, as school passes by. And this is very good in some fundamental ways, but difficult as well! Unrequited....
Read "Memoirs of a Geisha" if you haven't. It is an exquisitely delicious read. You are completely transported to another world.
I seem to keep reading books about people who fall in love, and must wait like 20 or more years before they can finally be with them. Is this a premonition about my own life? I will only know in retrospect.
I am totally in love with someone I shouldn't be. Its ridiculous. He's at least 25 years older than I am. People joke about the older guy/younger girl thing.... but I really like dating older guys. I don't want to be in a relationship right now... and I need a lot of personal space. I don't want to have to see or talk to someone every day. But when I do find that one person I'm passionately, madly, hopelessly sexually and intellectually attracted to, where I can't stop thinking about them, and they can keep me on my toes, understand me better than I can, yet I still surprise them, can talk about geeky things with a mastery of knowledge and joke about silliness in between... and knows how to fuck properly and pay attention to me without being like a dog...
I think I've figured out why girls, (at least me!) don't go for the "nice guys". Its because they don't seem like they'd know how to fuck a girl properly in bed. I don't want soft, gentle, vanilla sex. I want someone to take charge and be passionate, not inhibited. Guys who fall into the "Nice guy syndrome" category seem inhibited. That's what it really comes down to. That said, I've learned the hard way how to spot a jerk. I don't want a machismo asshole, who is vigorously trying to fuck a hole - I want someone confident who fucks me but is concerned with my pleasure.
Also, try as I might to be open-hearted, I just can't force myself to be attracted to someone I just don't feel it about. Certainly, there are times when I meet someone I "like", but don't really love. Those are the ones that keep me from being celibate although I'm single.
Sigh. Why am I so madly infatuated with this one person? I will have to wait a long time for the chance to be close to him, at least physically. All I can do for now is try to get to know him, one conversation at a time, as school passes by. And this is very good in some fundamental ways, but difficult as well! Unrequited....
Read "Memoirs of a Geisha" if you haven't. It is an exquisitely delicious read. You are completely transported to another world.
I seem to keep reading books about people who fall in love, and must wait like 20 or more years before they can finally be with them. Is this a premonition about my own life? I will only know in retrospect.
I heart you.. hehehehe