thequestpants

Hey everyone,

I've been quiet for a little while on here as you can tell. Reason being I had a few travel difficulties. I was just chilling out on the train down from Falkirk, I hooked up with this fiiiiiine pair of french-cut panties and had just gone back with her to her bag for a quick rummage, if you know what I mean, when all of a sudden these armed police appeared from nowhere, screaming about some 'unattended suspect luggage', that sort of thing. I barely made it out with my seams intact before the did a controlled detonation of the bag. Oh Francoise, I shall regret the times we never spent together. But oh well, mustn't grumble.

I made it down to London as it occured to me that even though I'd spent all my life there, I'd never actually seen much of the city apart from the inside of a pair of jeans and, very occasionally, a washing machine drum. Thankfully I ran into two cool cats who were more than happy to show a fella a good time and we had a regular tourists day out.

First of all I decided I wanted a little culture, being a highbrow piece of underwear that I am. So we made our way to the theatre. Unfortunately it was closed when we got there. I have to say though, I wasn't too bothered at that, it looked like kind of a ramshackle operation if you ask me.



Thankfully my erstwhile guides knew a theatre where I could really take in a show, it was pretty awesome. Apparently it's got all this history and shit, and the actors yell at airplanes when they go overhead. It's pretty cool, you guys should check it out.



After that, we decided to go for a bit of a walk, and we started finding these elephants all over the damn place. I don't know what was going on, but they were all painted up and stuff. Shit was cash yo.



I gotta say, I was just completely lost in the big city for the first time, it was all just completely overwhelming. I gotta give thanks again to the two folks I hooked up with, they were really cool, I don't know what I would have done without them. Here's one of them showing me some of the sights around London Bridge



And here's the other one of them as we went across the Thames. Rawr. You better believe I'm gonna hit that shit pilgrim. A little of the old patented Questpants charm and she'll be eating out of my hand. It won't work for you guys, but I got a line that never fails, guaranteed. 'Hey baby, it's normally me that gets thrown down onto the bedroom floor once it's Go Time. How about this time it's your turn?'



But yeah, we were just walking along the south Bank, checking shit out. I gotta say, that place is crazy, there's all sorts of stuff out there. Like there was this fake beach all set up like Cyprus, and some kind of book market, and all skateboarding kids and shit. I wanted to watch the skateboarders some more, but my two buddies dragged me of pretty sharpish because I kept yelling 'BAIL! BAIL YOU USELESS SKATEFAGS!' at them. I don't get it. Anyhow, we went on and there was this huge furniture made out of astroturf just lying around. you know, being furniture and shit. It was kinda crazy.



There was also a bunch of all statues and shit. London's got one hell of a lot of history. It's awesome. Me and the hottie posed for this picture. She claims she was holding me up next to the statue, but we were totally sucking face, ain't gonna lie.



There was also all sorts of crazy people around. Like all street performers and shit. Some of them were awesome, like this guy juggling his balls. And let me tell you, after the past 3 years you would have thought I'd be sick of that, but he was really good. Plus this guy here seemed pretty chill.



Anyhow, after that we wanted to take a quick break from walking around, so the guy I was with drags us into this arcade. Now he's a cool guy, but he's kind of nerdy. Arcades aren't really my thing, y'know? Especially this one game he insisted we play. He was completely getting into it but I just couldn't figure it out. I just shut up and let him have his little victory.



After that it was right back to the sight-seeing. I just had to get a picture of this massive ass-fuck wheel they've got, just sitting right in the middle of London! It's crazy. They asked me if I wanted to go around in it, but I just said no. Too many bad memories of the washing machine drum. That's one place I don't wanna go back to any time soon. Tell you what though, any of you ladies want to give me a good hand-washing, you just hit me up with a PM and we can sort something out, y'hear? No fatties.



After that we checked out the Houses of Parliament, and there were all these tents and signs and shit. The guys told me it was some kind of protest, that there's always one going on here. I tried asking the protestors what they thought about outlawing boil washes, but they just started talking about illegal wars and carbon footprints and shit like that and my eyes kinda glazed over for a bit. They looked like they hadn't been washed recently, but I can respect that. Ain't no-one want to be rolled around in a big metal drum and suffocated with hot water while rubbing all up against some dudes jocks. It's just not any kind of fun.



After that was possibly my favourite part of the trip. The chick dragged me off to some phone box, saying it was like a London icon or some shit, and we had to get a photo. But can you believe, the whole thing was full of advertisements for whores! It was AWESOME! They had like pictures of their snatch and phone numbers and addresses you could go to and totally get laid by cheap hookers. It's true! London has EVERYTHING



Anyhow, it was a pretty gorgeous day, so me and the guys strolled down to some park which had all trees and shit. Nature man, it's like a miracle. Fuckin' rivers, how do they work?



After that we got to check out the house where the Queen lives. It's pretty huge, she must have, like, a special servant just to handwash her dainties. Man, those pants must be living the fucking hog. Handwashing, all silk, washing lines made out of a virgin's pubes or some shit like that.



And then we went to check out Trafalgar Square, it was cool. There was some festival shit goin on, but I just wanted to chill by the fountain. Imagine, all that water and ain't no-one trying to fling me around in it with a metal drum. Heaven man, I could totally just live in that shit.



The real reason Trafalgar Square is awesome though is because of this. Check it, they have all these statues of these giant lions, just sitting there. That shit is METAL AS FUCK. I could really vibe with this, because I see myself as like a lion myself. Like the king of the laundry basket jungle, just chilling and giving no fuck at all. I vibed with the lions man, it was all spiritual and deep and shit. Also I was kind of delirious with the heat. That helped too.



All in all it was a pretty awesome day, but tiring. So I decided to chill out with some good food, kick back, reflect, all that good shit.






So yeah, that was my weekend in London. It was pretty awesome. I made some new friends, saw a whole lot of shit, ate some good food, totally macked on some hot chicks, and I still got some of them whore cards stashed away for a rainy day. But after spending so long on the same crotch, this wanderlust ain't just going away on it's own. I gotta go do my thing man, I gotta be free. So I'm heading back out to the open road, who knows where, but I'll update you guys soon!

Keep on truckin' bitches!