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thepixelproject

Member Since 2005

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Saturday Dec 17, 2005

Dec 16, 2005
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...

As I crawl into my blankets tonight - with my laptop of course - I am reminded of something terrible. Okay, maybe I've just got cold toes on the mind lately (d...). but tonight seems extra cold, so I was bundling up a little more than usual. Anyway, the point is I was lifting up my feet slightly and tucking the blankets under them - you know, to keep 'em toasty.

No, that wasn't the point - it was a statement, really - but here's the point: I was living with a girl for a while, and the whole time we were together this sort of thing - that is, jostling around in bed to get comfortable - would just drive her crazy. It seemed like she would get personally offended with the rummaging around. Or, to be more specific, offended at the fact that she might be uncomfortable for a second while we settled into bed - like I was thinking, "All right, let's totally fuck with the girlfriend tonight, the girl I live with and totally and obviously love - but let's try and make her uncomfortable! Yes! Again!"

What the fuck is with that? I couldn't even talk to her. It wasn't just this bedtime thing either, because tons of other situations would also set her off... To me it seemed like a huge self-esteem thing, something I've encountered before, I'm sure. So what is it that makes someone feel like the world is totally out to get them? It seems unfathomable to me to think negatively on such a constant level. Sure, I'm not perfect either, but it seems like too often one or a few situations can drive someone's life in such an energy-draining way that I can't help but not understand why they don't see it...

What's the advantage to thinking that people actually are trying to get you down, all the time, in ridiculous situations? How is "not knowing any other way" plausible when someone is showing you another way and trying everything they can to help you down that path?

(sigh)

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I just had a lot of strange memories float through the 'ol noggin'. Obviously I know the things I am suggesting as easy are not easy at all, and things are much deeper, but I do not understand these things. At all.

There I go again. Shit, it's past one. My brain's supposed to be off.

...

figmentation:
my appologies for my moodiness earlier...
give a call when you have a chance if you could...
Dec 17, 2005
figmentation:
sorry I ran off...
the cookies really were almost too done.
But its really getting to me that the coolest people I know are friggin, way too far away.
yea.


Dec 17, 2005

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