thepiratelauren

every so often i think about how different my life would be if i had gone. to think that i almost moved across the country for someone that i don't have a speaking relationship with now. it's not a looking back in anger or regret, it's just reflection. until then, i didn't know what it was to have someone put all their faith in you and then to let them down. to hold someone in the palm of your hand and extort the power. i have forgiven myself for what i did, but i will never forget that. i need to remember, so i don't do it again. beyond the anger and awkwardness that lingers, the songs will always stand as a testament to the fact that i destroyed him.

but i am glad he is happy. and that i am. with other people too, because we never could have kept it together. and if we never talk again (which is pretty much how it will be) i will never forget who he was and what he meant to me at that time in my life.