thepiratelauren

i'm moving. again.

not sure where, but i need out asap.

she is controlling and semi-nuts.

edited at 7:02am

i can't help but feel a little defeated by all this. like i somehow failed. like this is my fault. i kinda had my inklings that this wouldn't be the most ideal of situations, but for me to move out is to almost admit failure. i still feel like she thinks i'm a cavorting hussy. because i have friends. and most of them are guys. i have only been sucking face with one dude lately. so her assumptions are wrong. it just sucks, although i'll be moving on to a better place and situation, i feel defeated. i really feel like i did this whole thing wrong. like i was a bad roommate. am i too comfortable using other people's things, am i too loud? am i too social? i mean, she is high strung and kinda nuts. but it's not completely her. i also am scared shitless that something with sarah and dennis won't work out and i'll have to go home, which sucks. i would rather be homeless. not that my family situation is terrible, to the contrary, it's better, cheaper and easier than living on my own. i just wouldn't want to admit to my mom that i couldn't handle this. admit to her that she was right and i wasn't ready. because honestly. i am ready, it's just not the right situation for me. and will moving with sarah and dennis be the right situation or will it further point out what i am already feeling about all my friends being in couples.

i sorta wanted to cry because this is much scarier for me than it is for her and she doesn't realize that. i am just hoping i have the strength to do this. and more importantly, the money.