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theocean______

New York, NY

Member Since 2005

Followers 11 Following 13

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Tuesday May 17, 2005

May 17, 2005
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So Onie just left for kickboxing, first time in 6 weeks. I have been feeling a bit odd past the past 4 hours or so. Sometimes I feel physically ill as an indicator of some kind of intuitive sense that I am getting. Like my pyschic energy meter perking up causes me to become naseuos.

What about? About Onie. Something I've always felt about her, and she's felt about herself, and now her new love has also felt, is that she will die young. Earlier in our relationship there was a 2 month period where I swear the universe was trying to kill her. She was running red lights with reckless abandon, with no clue that she was doing so. Other weird shit was happening back then too.

Anyway, today. I was driving home, and I realized why I had the feeling. It was my "death sense". Or at least "trauma sense". First I was worried about her. Then I worried about myself, as I was driving down I-20 in rush-hour traffic. Is that idiot next to me going to attempt to merge his vehicle into mine, sending me crashing into the median?

But whenever I get that feeling I inevitably think of Onie. So I get home, and I take Ethan so that she can get ready for kickboxing. I don't say anything about the feeling. I was going to ask her to stay home, but we got into a fight on the phone (minor) on the way home and it was a little weird when I got home. I wasn't mad anymore, but I didn't overtly try to make up with her.

So while she's getting ready I just kinda watch her. She's such an amazing person. So beautiful, so kind, so loving, so creative, so smart. So much more. She is everything to me. Ethan and her are my world, without them I am nothing.

As she's getting ready to walk out the door I start chasing her around with the digital camera. I still don't mention my feeling. But I have an insatiable desire to preserve her image. I'm afraid it may be the last time I see her. I've been thinking about this recently. What would I do if she died? I would be crushed. My world would turn upside down. I would carry on, for Ethan, but I would have a very hard time. I don't know what my situation would work out to be, having to work and take care of him myself. I imagine I would move somewhere near family. I have thought it out much further than that, but I won't go into for the sake of anyone who may have read this much so far.

So now I'm sitting her, watching over Ethan and listening to Wilco.

I hope you get home okay. I love you.

oryon:
she aint coming home, willie
she's coming over hurr to grill some angus beef and watch Wayne's World and then, all them Star Wars movies
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
May 17, 2005
onie:
wow.. may.. its almost sept now and everything has changed. it seems like a past life.. the way things were back then, the way things are now. i can only have a vague memory of what it was like seeing you daily. so weird.
X
Onie
Aug 29, 2005

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