thenonstopdancer

Its been a funny year , all in all a good one . I think i did more this year than any other in my life .

Early relationships and friendships i think were somehow dogged by the pressure of me trying to make a plan for my life ,

as far back as i remember i always wanted a plan ( hehe , love goodfellows ) .

I graduated from university with an especially hard degree that couldn't get me a job worth shit by the time i got out , and i was pissed, and i took it out on the people around me , than they got pissed , so i pissed off and started to make plans , plans for me .

As with everything you make sacrifices to get things you want , always , that is the way of things, an inescapable truth . I sacrificed relationships , fortunately at the same time as i was gifted a disease that would have made it hard for me to have one anyway . This decision led to workmates and some family suspecting i was gay , i never cared really , i dont find it to be an insult , but for the record im not , i just dance like a gay tis all and occasionally kiss guys ( heheh , sorry SGUK joke ).

Someone said to me recently that careers are not important , i understood the angle but had to disagree . People need some purpose outside of relationships and partying to feel fulfilled . If we didn't we would still be living in huts , you cant just sit around waiting for someone else to move your life forward , you have to do your bit aswell , That was what i was missing , that was why i was never satisfied in relationships , maybe not the whole reason but a large part of it .

So 2005 is here and it could be even bigger for me which is how it should be, otherwise your going backwards or just wasting time .

There was this guy in the bar the other night at the SGUK new years eve doo . Nobody could stomach him and he just came over and started trying to get free drinks out of us . He was there on new year with about 5 in his pocket and was moaning about how skint he was . Thing was he was one of those types who tried too hard to be different , i reckon in order to hide the fact that underneath is all he really had nothing interesting to say at all and his lack of friends on new year showed that we were not alone in this deduction.

If you are a struggling artist or musician then i can understand this , or if your disabled or homeless , there are many reasons to be poor that i can abide , but just not thinking its cool , or in other words being bone frickin idol doesn't cut it with me . Its always hard to get up in the morning and go to work , and it always will be , but thats life , thats what we have to do.

Don't missunderstand me , this is not about money , its about achievment , the two are in no way connected . If you loose sight of that and just go for the money you will be just as unhappy as a man with no dreams.

At university i couldn't afford to go out , so me and some friends stated a club night which then became our way of funding our nights out and left us some change to spend on bills and stuff . I cant abide people who bitch about the fact that they cant do something when in fact its just that they are trying to get away with doing nothing . If you dont enjoy your job , change it , simple , every job is like every life experience, its a building block, a dab of paint , not an overall picture .The more things you try the broader your outlook on life and the closer you are to your understanding of what you are best at .

Anyway rant over , i hope 2005 brings you closer to everything you want whatever that is , and i hope you make more days count this year than you did in your last .

Thanks to all at SGUK meet the other night , had lots of fun . I actual felt sober for once at the end of the night , and i got chatted up on the tube by a real live girl which was nice . Its funny when you get all dressed up , hair just right , cloths ironed , smelling of gucci and you get fuck all , but get drunk , sit in a tube that stinks of piss and stuffing a Chinese in your gob and suddenly you score ,

hehe life, how i love its bitter ironies