I have a boyfriend. I have a bunch of ex boyfriends. I don't have any love interests. I've never had a crush on someone. When there is a relationship separation- I always try to make things neutral. Friendly. I still am friends with a few ex's from the ol' school era.
But there is always that one... right... the one that got away. The kiss you never tasted.
Its hard for me to look back into history. Memory aren't painful, but they drain the little respect for reality I have. All those choices I made. How one sentence, one confirmation or decline shifted everything.
It bothers me that I dream of him. In my vault of unmentioned things, he sits right next to extreme fetishes, high school mistakes and childhood dreams of a happy home. Sometimes it seems like I should drop everything and go to him. Unrealistic, selfish... naive.... Just can't help but wonder. Or hope. Maybe sometime our paths will cross again. The flow of karma and life brings about odd and wondrous things. Is the flow of karma and life effected by us, though- this is what worries me. I want to be a victim of fate, but do we not simply create our own destiny.
And I can't honestly say I'm going to "do nothing" and "go with the current of life" because every day we have choices. To work or sleep, work out or get drunk, smile or let the frown out. All of these things effect the paths of future. Like one of those upside down staircases. We move as pulses, glimpses of life, down a nerve track. There are billions of different routes to take, each at intersections, cross roads, side streets and bridges of the body. The nerve could make a turn and end at the eye or travel all the way to the toes. Rather we have a long life or short life depends on those little blips of time.
Whose to say, though, that some all powerful force hasn't completely predetermined every move we make and has our life span already echoing through outer space.
In conclusion, me sitting here rambling could be effecting my strange, unhealthy lust for a relationship with a man who had not only been socially forbidden but was once my close friend or... not.
Thank you forces that be for granting humans the power to confuse themselves.
Blessed Be,
Nitch
But there is always that one... right... the one that got away. The kiss you never tasted.
Its hard for me to look back into history. Memory aren't painful, but they drain the little respect for reality I have. All those choices I made. How one sentence, one confirmation or decline shifted everything.
It bothers me that I dream of him. In my vault of unmentioned things, he sits right next to extreme fetishes, high school mistakes and childhood dreams of a happy home. Sometimes it seems like I should drop everything and go to him. Unrealistic, selfish... naive.... Just can't help but wonder. Or hope. Maybe sometime our paths will cross again. The flow of karma and life brings about odd and wondrous things. Is the flow of karma and life effected by us, though- this is what worries me. I want to be a victim of fate, but do we not simply create our own destiny.
And I can't honestly say I'm going to "do nothing" and "go with the current of life" because every day we have choices. To work or sleep, work out or get drunk, smile or let the frown out. All of these things effect the paths of future. Like one of those upside down staircases. We move as pulses, glimpses of life, down a nerve track. There are billions of different routes to take, each at intersections, cross roads, side streets and bridges of the body. The nerve could make a turn and end at the eye or travel all the way to the toes. Rather we have a long life or short life depends on those little blips of time.
Whose to say, though, that some all powerful force hasn't completely predetermined every move we make and has our life span already echoing through outer space.
In conclusion, me sitting here rambling could be effecting my strange, unhealthy lust for a relationship with a man who had not only been socially forbidden but was once my close friend or... not.
Thank you forces that be for granting humans the power to confuse themselves.
Blessed Be,
Nitch
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
katalina:
Hey, you're in honolulu!!!!!! Where where where.... I've been dying to meet other SG's in Hawaii.
thenitch:
I"m thinking about getting that angle girl with the meat tattoo some where. dunno where though....