themadking

I am a hypocrite.

Say it with me now: "I am a hypocrite." 'Cause I'm almost sure you are, too.

I won't kill anything around me (unless it be human. While many doubt the human thing, I'm convinced that given half a chance with getting away with it I would. My problem is I watch too many forensic shows.), not even spiders who are crawling on me, and am against the killing and keeping (such as in farms) of animals, but I love to eat meat.

I drive like an asshole (but with an admirable amount of skill, if I do say so myself) and get angry at people for not having any balls/ovaries. But when someone else drives like me, I get angry at them for being stupid (and, of course, insult their skills).

I get upset with the customers who come into my store without any idea with what they're looking for and who expect me to tell them, and then get upset with me when my opinion turns out to be different than theirs (I sling paint, by the way), but then I'll go into a store and be the same stupid customer, putting products back on the shelves in the wrong place just because I'm too damn lazy to walk back a couple of aisles (Plus I shoplift, which is a whole different set of issues, and I'm not hypocritical about that).

I berate people for not going out and taking an active interest in their community, and I don't even vote half the time (Of course, after the 2000 "My Daddy Says I Can Be President" debacle, can you blame me (sub-parentheses: Yes, you can)? That's not theft or shoplifting, that's just all kinds of wrong).

Of course, I'm not the only hypocrite. If I were, they'd call it Mattocrism, or something equally inane. Right now, my anger is directed toward moral vegetarians and their high-and-mighty, I'm-not-killing-anything attitude. This is my one biggest beef with you lot: plants are living, too. No matter what you think of its intelligence, it's still a living thing. You think its purpose in life is to live in neat little rows and fertilize when you say to, die when you're hungry? No, it wants to live and breath the free air, too, spread its roots out in the forest, and die when some wild beast is hungry. There are plants on the Serengeti that communicate by releasing scents into the air. When the giraffes start feeding on one, it releases A. a toxic chemical into its leaves that will kill the giraffe if s/he chews on it for long, and B. a chemical scent into the air that warns its friends downwind that it's being eaten and they're next. That's got to be some kind of self-preserving intelligence. There's nothing you can eat that didn't come from something's cold, dead corpse. So either eat it all like you're meant to, or quit with the attitude when you see me order a steak bloody rare from a restaurant. You want to free the cows? Start with the corn.

And that's the end of my idiotic rant. All you vegetarians out there who are vegetarians just because you don't like the taste of meat: more power to you.