theloonie

Ok this is getting annoying, I finally get over one thing and then I get hit with something else... maybe I should try not breathing for a while and see if that keeps me from getting sick again. I've been incapacitated for the better part of a week now so I havent gotten out to see my niece and nephew, or to bribe their mom into massaging these knots out of my back.

In other news I went to see another doctor to hopefully get a better idea of my options and all he did was say basically what the others have said and didn't bother to explain what and where is being affected. I'd kind of like to know what parts in there might crap out on me first from this, but why would a doctor explain to his patients what all is wrong with them? They seem to think because of my age I wont be able to handle the truth, well damn it I want to know, I was able to handle having someone I cared for die in my arms, so I think I can handle news about the decay of my body. I already know that barring a miracle I am going to die from this one way or another, so why wont they at least give me an idea of what order they expect it to fail in. It really sucks having a form of a common ailment that is extremely rare (I think they said 1 in every 2000 cases is similar to me) .

Oh well thats life, I guess that I should just accept the fact that I am damned to die alone very slowly. Hmm I think I need to find other things to do besides lay here thinking about these problems, but I lack motivation because there is very little elsewhere important enough for me to bear the pain involved. I really wish I could still putter around with my car, but my balance is screwed, and if I lay down to go under it then the only way I can get back up is with someone's health.

For the last two days fragments of a poem have been floating around in my mind, but I cant seem to put it down because as soon as I try to they just evaporate and its driving me sane.

Tuesday night I was really hurting so I took a few extra med's like I normally do, well it worked enough that my body decided it wanted to catch up on the sleep I havent been getting do to discomfort, according to the clock I slept for 14 hours and didn't respond when my family tried to wake me for breakfast or lunch. Then when I finally woke up I was hurting again from sleeping through my morning med's, I just can't win.

My outfit for the Ren-Faire is almost done, my business partner is better at sewing then I am so she is making it for me. We decided to setup our booth as a gypsy traders tent, so our outfits are flashy gypsy style clothes. When mine is done I'll post a photo.

Also I am currently looking for a large box trailer to use for transporting our equipment and merchandise down there and back, I don't think we will be able fit some of our equipment trough the door to the camper we plan on using. tables and tent poles don't go around corners very well.

Well this weekend I think I might take off for awhile and see if I can find an old friend and see if they are willing to have dinner and chat about the past with me, I think it'd be good to just sit and think about happier times for awhile... as messed up of a life I had before it was still better than what I have now, hell if I could go back to either late '99 or the start of '03 and then freeze every like it is so it doesn't change then I would be quite happy again, especially '03 when I was engaged, in love, trying to be a father to her son, and content.


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