thefuneralof

"...to be somewhere that I could forget about stupid family shit and focus on something better, something that seems to make all the bad shit fade away. I've never had that before...not even with S"


What the fuck? While the quote above might not seem so bad to you, it makes me want to fucking smash everything in my sight. The infamous letter 'S' that's me. And that wonderful quote is from my soon-to-be-ex-wife.

She never had that with me, the person that for over two years sacrificed the things that I believed in, the things that I enjoyed doing to be with her all of the time. To comfort her, to go to hospital visits with her, to be the middle man between her and her family. The person who she would come home to, and I would have dinner ready after working 8 hours, and I'm the one that cleaned the house. I'm the one that finicially supported her while she wanted to work full time at a college for basically no pay so she could go to school cheaper. I'm the mother fucker that sold ALL of my 'Nightmare before Christmas' shit to help pay off her debt. I quit the band I was in, I stopped going to shows, I stopped booking shows and helping friends on tour, I accepted the fact that after 5 years of being vegetarians together she wanted to stop being a vegetarian (even though it broke my heart). I sold over 1,000 cds to help her out with her debt a second time. I sat silently for the first two years of our marriage while she went through 'health' issues, which after numerous tests and tests and was there for her all of the time, though they never found anything (meanwhile it meaning that any type of physical relationship was non-existant for 3 to 6 months at a time, once for 9 months)

While we dating she was my everything, when we were married she was more than that. I sacrificed who I was to try to make her happy. Towards the end of our relationship I sat in silence and watched myself lose over 70 pounds and only ate once a day because I was so devestated that we had started growing into such different people.
But her saying that I never helped her thinks of happy things, that I never seemed to make things better. Fuck Her.
She never had that with me...well I fucking hope that her world caves in on its self.
Who the fuck is she? She's not the one that gave up everything she was, shes not the one that opened up, that gave everything. She was the shut-in quiet, I'll hold it all in girl, who would finally be able to tell someone what was wrong, and I was the one that took her burden.
In two and a half years married she never once even attempted to try to change a little, she's the one that refused to try to be a part of my life.
Fuck her.