thefullnelson

I came across a most interesting thread a few nights ago, and it made me think. A lot. To be more specific, I thought about who I am, and how I treat people. And despite boundcreature's recommendation of me in said thread, KaliDoom's post hit me hard. I've read something like it before, but for some reason, this time, it made perfect sense.

Her explanation of how guys who are "too nice" are just pushovers that are willing to do anything for a girl was dead-on. That's me. The last thing I want in a relationship is conflict, but as I've noticed, it's necessary. I do anything to avoid conflict in relationships, even if it means that the situation won't end up in my favor in the slightest. I'm the guy who always asks, "Well, what do you want to do?" in case whatever I suggest might be the "wrong" answer. I'm not very creative when it comes to romance, or sex for that matter. Speaking of sex, I'm not one to pursue it. I always wait until I'm given some sort of signal before initiating anything. Maybe that's why I haven't had any in a few months?

I'm not trying to be the one in charge. I'm not one for making all the decisions by myself. I'm just not exciting when it come to intimate relationships. I'm guessing all of this is why my most recent relationships have failed, and why they will continue to fail. Maybe I should forget romantic relationships all-together, and just focus on platonic ones?

Sure, I can be a great friend. Even a few of you who read this can attest to that. But, even my friendships aren't what I'd like them to be, due to my "flaws". I'm probably not one of the first people my friends think of when they're looking to get together. I feel like the loyal dog in most situations. When you're done with other people, or they're done with you, I'm the one person who will always be there in the end.

I'm guessing that the first impression I make on people is that I'm quiet, but an all-around decent guy. I don't really like that. I'd like to be someone who makes people think "Hey, that guy's awesome! I'd like to be around him more often.". It's something I'd like to have happen, but not something I'd necessarily be able to do.

I'm really hoping that when I go camping next week that I won't end up in my car, alone, playing my Nintendo DS. If I don't feel like I'm involved in a situation, I usually tend to withdraw completely from it. I'd rather play videogames by myself than be involved in a group of people who wouldn't even notice if I was there or not.

Am I intelligent? I'd like to think so.
Am I funny? Yes. I'd like to say i pride myself on my sense of humor.
Am I at least moderately attractive? You might not think I am, but I do. But, obviously not enough to have women thinking about me. No, I can't read their minds, but I know they're not thinking about me.
Am I a caring, responsible person? Yes. Without a doubt. Quite possibly too much.

But, attitude has so much to do with it. Attitude that I don't have, and attitude that I don't know how to attain. I tried to be an asshole once, but it only ended up making the situation I was in worse. I guess I can either be "too nice" or a "total asshole", but I can't seem to find that balance in-between that everyone looks for.

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Sometimes I wish I could cut off all ties to everything and everyone I know.

Start somewhere new, where I don't know anyone, and where I can try to make it on my own.

Try to not get too involved with anyone, so I can push them away as needed.

Think of what would benefit myself for once, instead of what would benefit those around and/or close to me.