thefullnelson

I just had a very revealing conversation with someone I haven't seen or talked to in a couple of months. Some of you may remember her as "Club girl" from this entry. In the course of our "catching up", I told her about what had happened with my most recent attempt at a relationship, and she gave me her thoughts on it...

No "She's stupid for turning you down.".

No "You deserve someone better.".

Her thoughts were almost the polar opposite of what everyone else has been telling me. She told me, in a very straight-forward manner, that the blame lies entirely on me. I'm too nice. I'm too willing to meet a girl's demands. If a girl says "Jump.", I'm the guy who asks "How high?".

And how did I reply?

No "You don't know me at all.".

No "Who are you to say that? That's not me, and I resent you for saying it.".

I actually agreed with her. Completely.

She also stated that it's not entirely a "bad thing". But, behavior like mine will always keep me out of the "Boyfriend" classification, and more cemented in the "Best Friend" area. And it's true. Any girl I've shown interest in, has at some point, just become a good friend.

I was told that I'm too willing to give into demands, and guilty of not giving my own in return. I was told that when a girl pushes, she wants something pushing back, not someone who's willing to lie down and catch her. I'm someone who is always willing to comfort and please, even when it's not neccessary, or sometimes, wanted.

That's me folks... 100% pure, Grade-A, whipping boy.

I've always known I had this problem. And still, I do nothing to fix it. I can't. As much as I wish I could handle things differently, I was raised this way. By a single mother who was always looking for someone to latch onto, but yet instilled in me the utmost respect for the female half of the human race. And unfortunately, that viewpoint I've been given, it in turn has given me, and always will give me, nothing but heartache and troubles.