thefullnelson

My mood has improved somewhat since the last entry. And to think, all it took was going out four nights in a row and hanging out with friends, old and new.

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Friday night was SGBoston night at Charlie's Kitchen. Along with the usual assortment of characters, I met Murkling and William_Miller (Before he mysteriously vanished) for the first time, finally was able to see Mylf and Pip again, and met two of Boston's newest citizens, flash_rockman and his wife Bowie. I certainly I hope to see all of them around more often.

aegiswings put together a little shindig at his place on Saturday night. I met a handful of new people who I'll probably never see again, and if I do, I definitely won't be able to recall thier names. I had a great time talking with an old friend or two, and continued to dance in his living room long after most people had left or passed out. I was having such a good time that when I finally left at 5 AM, I had a hard time believing that I had been there for over seven hours.

On Sunday night, I watched movies with boundcreature, ThePants, and our friend Pavlik. Conan: The Barbarian followed by Conan: The Destroyer, followed by Red Sonja equals a lot of Arnold Schwarzenegger swinging swords like a badass. I feel a little badly about the night though, as the previous night's activities began to take thier toll on me early on. After the first movie had started, I started to feel a bit tired, and actually nodded off a few times. And when my second wind finally came to me, the evening, along with everyone else, was winding down.

Monday night was Ceremony. Much to my pleasure, I talked to a few people I had not seen in a while, and was able to have a conversation with my ex without feeling awkward. aegiswings re-introduced me to a beautiful girl whose name I had forgotten, and I may have gone a bit overboard trying to put myself over. Plus, I met a guy who quite possibly could be my physical twin. He's a little stockier than me, and has the whole goatee thing going on, but other than that, we were twins. Same height, same hairstyle, and we even have practically the same shape to the lenses of our glasses. Creepy...

Altogether, I had a pretty busy night life these past few days. But...

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While on the road between all of these destinations, I did a bit of thinking. I've come to the realization that while I may think I'm ready for a relationship with someone, I'm lacking something that makes women think I'm someone worth committing to. Over the past two years, I've been somewhat "involved" with five different women for varying amounts of time. Out of those five, I had one actual "commitment", and now that I look back on it, it was almost a fluke of sorts. Sure, I could just say consider myself lucky that I have been involved with anyone at all. But I know I'd feel better if the ratio of relationships:flings was higher.

One of the reasons I started to think about this, is due to the fact that I haven't heard from the most recent girl in over two weeks. And yes, I called her last week and left a voicemail, so the the ball is most certainly in her court. I'm left thinking that she's not interested in being with someone whose anxiety-during-intimacy issues seem to be recurring. And that bothers me, not only because I would appreciate a return call to tell me so, but I'm pretty sure that problem would have been resolved (in one way or another) in a relatively short period of time. Especially since I was planning on asking for her input on our situation the next time I was going to see her. If she had been interested in still seeing me with a chance of something more, I would have loosened up considerably. If she was just looking for someone to play around with, I might have been able to go along with it for a little bit longer, but knowing where we stood would have helped me out slightly. Ugh.

While I'm in no way emotionally devestated by this, as you've noticed, it's made me think. What is it that I'm missing that's preventing women from wanting a relationship? And should I just give up dating altogether?

* * *

I'm in the basement,
you're in the sky.
I'm in the basement, baby.
Drop on by.