Hey, kids! It's another update from Your Friendly Neighborhood Freak.
I sincerely hope everyone is enjoying the start of their weekend thus far. I, sadly, shall be working the whole time.
It is indeed Friday. And as I sit here, smoking my cigarette, nude as the day I was born, I hear a voice say, "Self, these wonderful and sexy people who read your blog faithfully are waiting for you to entertain their brains."
And I said, "Bitch, you shut the fuck up or I'll give you a slap so hard!"
Then, I took a deep breath, and remembered that poster @Pimp School.
But that pissy little voice was right. You may be drunk, high, in the midst of afterglow after an hour of rough lovemaking or 5 minutes of jerking off to Sesame Street. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to make 10 minutes of your life 10 minutes to remember.
For those of you that don't know me as well, besides SG, I spend more time than should be legal on YouTube and Wikipedia. Now, I could use this knowledge to educate you, or make you say "WTF is he smoking?" just to get a cheap laugh or two @your misfortune and utter confusion.
Why? Fuck it, that's why!
Now, you may be reading that last statement and saying "Wow, thefreak sure has a real potty mouth on him!" Well, on the subject of the toilet, let's learn, shall we?
The toilet dates back almost 5000 years. The Romans, when not leading a hedonistic lifestyle filled with self-induced bulimia and dirty, squealing pig sex, made use of toilets.
It is also a misconception that the toilet was invented by...
...Thomas Crapper. The thought is still funny as hell, though.
There is such a thing as the World Toilet Organization.
Learn more about the toilet
"Too many words," you say? "Not enough YouTube," you say?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/v=skWI8c1EFcA[/youtube]
What have we learned here today?
1. Cats, through their use of the toilet, have therefore trumped dogs in every aspect of life. I don't recall Lassie squatting over the bowl to squeeze out a link before saving that retard Timmy from that damn well.
2. Japan is awesome. 'Nuff said.
3. Tom Hanks should really get his prostate checked.
3. (supplemental) That clip, the first time I saw it, had me laughing until I nearly choked.
4. Fuck 2-ply. Your Humble Narrator only wipes his ass w/the best.
Reasonable price and comfort that means my balloon knot doesn't look like I just got out of jail.
That's right, it's an endorsement, and I'm making it.
Well, kids, I hope you all enjoyed our time together. Personally, I'm most upset that compared to this blog, the next one is going to suck hardcore. But, them's the breaks.
That's all for now, as I now have yet another blog commenting excursion to go out on. As always, I hope you are all doing well.
Stay tuned...
-TM
I sincerely hope everyone is enjoying the start of their weekend thus far. I, sadly, shall be working the whole time.
It is indeed Friday. And as I sit here, smoking my cigarette, nude as the day I was born, I hear a voice say, "Self, these wonderful and sexy people who read your blog faithfully are waiting for you to entertain their brains."
And I said, "Bitch, you shut the fuck up or I'll give you a slap so hard!"
Then, I took a deep breath, and remembered that poster @Pimp School.
But that pissy little voice was right. You may be drunk, high, in the midst of afterglow after an hour of rough lovemaking or 5 minutes of jerking off to Sesame Street. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to make 10 minutes of your life 10 minutes to remember.
For those of you that don't know me as well, besides SG, I spend more time than should be legal on YouTube and Wikipedia. Now, I could use this knowledge to educate you, or make you say "WTF is he smoking?" just to get a cheap laugh or two @your misfortune and utter confusion.
Why? Fuck it, that's why!
Now, you may be reading that last statement and saying "Wow, thefreak sure has a real potty mouth on him!" Well, on the subject of the toilet, let's learn, shall we?
The toilet dates back almost 5000 years. The Romans, when not leading a hedonistic lifestyle filled with self-induced bulimia and dirty, squealing pig sex, made use of toilets.
It is also a misconception that the toilet was invented by...
...Thomas Crapper. The thought is still funny as hell, though.
There is such a thing as the World Toilet Organization.
Learn more about the toilet
"Too many words," you say? "Not enough YouTube," you say?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/v=skWI8c1EFcA[/youtube]
What have we learned here today?
1. Cats, through their use of the toilet, have therefore trumped dogs in every aspect of life. I don't recall Lassie squatting over the bowl to squeeze out a link before saving that retard Timmy from that damn well.
2. Japan is awesome. 'Nuff said.
3. Tom Hanks should really get his prostate checked.
3. (supplemental) That clip, the first time I saw it, had me laughing until I nearly choked.
4. Fuck 2-ply. Your Humble Narrator only wipes his ass w/the best.
Reasonable price and comfort that means my balloon knot doesn't look like I just got out of jail.
That's right, it's an endorsement, and I'm making it.
Well, kids, I hope you all enjoyed our time together. Personally, I'm most upset that compared to this blog, the next one is going to suck hardcore. But, them's the breaks.
That's all for now, as I now have yet another blog commenting excursion to go out on. As always, I hope you are all doing well.
Stay tuned...
-TM
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