Yesterday, I volunteered for the local roller derby league like I usually do. I remember when derby was so fun and exciting; I was more than willing to devote 20+ hours per week to practice and volunteer. I left the league for several reasons, mostly because I wasn't mentally or financially able to handle it after I lost my job. The drama didn't help.
That said, I had mixed feelings about leaving. Derby had lost its fun - it was all work, work, work. I actually had people tell me that if I didn't skate until I puked I wasn't trying hard enough. Trainers would show me a skill twice, and then roll their eyes at me when I wasn't getting it right away. It was getting ridiculous and stressful. I thought that I was just out of the honeymoon phase and that this was normal, which made it difficult to want to go back. Sure, I love skating and playing is fun, but I don't need another stressful thing in my life. I don't need a part time job that costs me money. I wanted a hobby that helped me get and stay in shape, that helped me push myself, and that made me feel kind of badass.
Last night, at our after party, my league hung out in the corner and didn't really socialize. I spent most of the evening with the visiting team (the Ohio Roller Girls) and had a fucking blast. They were amazing. I talked about volunteering with their volunteers, I talked about skating with their skaters, and I shrugged my shoulders at their questions: "What's wrong with your girls? Don't they want to have fun?"
Apparently not.
That's why I left, I suppose, I just didn't realize it at the time. I thought that I wasn't good enough or trying hard enough. I felt like I'd let them down and that they had a right to be kind of upset with me. Now I realize that I left because it just wasn't fun anymore.
I tried to start a recreational league, but there were differences in opinion and one person just kind of took it over and then told me to fuck off. (Since then she got pregnant and hasn't really done anything with it.) I'm considering starting this up, again, myself. Last night, I was reminded how much fun roller derby used to be - because of the friendships and goofiness and supportive environment. (By the end of the evening, I had people telling me to move to Ohio to join them.) I miss that, and I would love to have it again. It's clear that won't happen in the old league, though. We'll see...
That said, I had mixed feelings about leaving. Derby had lost its fun - it was all work, work, work. I actually had people tell me that if I didn't skate until I puked I wasn't trying hard enough. Trainers would show me a skill twice, and then roll their eyes at me when I wasn't getting it right away. It was getting ridiculous and stressful. I thought that I was just out of the honeymoon phase and that this was normal, which made it difficult to want to go back. Sure, I love skating and playing is fun, but I don't need another stressful thing in my life. I don't need a part time job that costs me money. I wanted a hobby that helped me get and stay in shape, that helped me push myself, and that made me feel kind of badass.
Last night, at our after party, my league hung out in the corner and didn't really socialize. I spent most of the evening with the visiting team (the Ohio Roller Girls) and had a fucking blast. They were amazing. I talked about volunteering with their volunteers, I talked about skating with their skaters, and I shrugged my shoulders at their questions: "What's wrong with your girls? Don't they want to have fun?"
Apparently not.
That's why I left, I suppose, I just didn't realize it at the time. I thought that I wasn't good enough or trying hard enough. I felt like I'd let them down and that they had a right to be kind of upset with me. Now I realize that I left because it just wasn't fun anymore.
I tried to start a recreational league, but there were differences in opinion and one person just kind of took it over and then told me to fuck off. (Since then she got pregnant and hasn't really done anything with it.) I'm considering starting this up, again, myself. Last night, I was reminded how much fun roller derby used to be - because of the friendships and goofiness and supportive environment. (By the end of the evening, I had people telling me to move to Ohio to join them.) I miss that, and I would love to have it again. It's clear that won't happen in the old league, though. We'll see...
mydogfarted:
It sucks when something you love stops being fun. Sucks worse when it is the people you're doing it with are the ones to kill it.
littlefierceone:
You should talk to Donna. Restart BCR -- but call it something else, of course, because "I hate dick, but I'll totally let you stick it in me if it means I can spawn" will get all pissy pants.