I broke down and actually kind of added stuff to my MySpace. I really really still hate it, though. But, whatever - giving into peer pressure is what college is all about, right?
I also started a Flickr page. I decided I wasn't really happy with Photobucket, and it seems like Flickr is more popular, anyway. I'm always hearing about "so-and-so's awesome Flickr set!" so it seemed to make sense to start an account.
I made LittleFierceOne cry, tonight.
All is well, it just kinda shook me. I said, jokingly, that he thought I was ugly, and he started crying because it upset him that I would think that. And, to be honest, I know that he doesn't think I'm ugly, but I sometimes think I'm ugly. Yes, I know it isn't true, but I'm really not my type. There are times when I feel DAMN SEXY, which is most of the time, but I'm overweight... I'm out of shape... and my boobs are too big. Only I can change that, and I know I don't have to. But I would be happier, for me, if I were in good shape, at least.
Though, this got me thinking... women are conditioned to believe that unless we are the ideal, we aren't pretty. We're ugly. This isn't to say that it's society's fault - I mean, it is, but women perpetuate it. That seed of "You have to be perfect" is planted when we're very young, but why is it so hard to overcome? Why does it bother me so much that I'm not LittleFierceOne's ideal, or like girls x, y, and z? I know better - I know I'm pretty, and fun, and totally cool, but I just can't shake the whole "ideal" thing. It's shitty, and I hate it, because I know better, and it affects me so much more than it should.
I've read journal entries of some SGs, some of the women I wish I looked like, struggling with the same things. And other gorgeous and amazing women also battle this. Why? What is so hard about letting go of impossible aspirations of beauty? Why is it so hard for us to believe that we are attractive, even if we aren't the end-all be-all of beauty? It's frustrating because I know it's something I can overcome, but I just can't seem to get over it. And I'm not the only one.
But, in an odd way, his crying made me feel better. I felt shitty that I made him cry, but that he would feel that strongly about it is further proof that it's a ridiculous thing to think about myself.
It's sad that most women have to struggle to be okay with themselves, but I'm done struggling. I'm sure I'll have the occasional relapse, but for the most part, I'm okay with me. I'm thrilled with me, in fact. I have more important things to worry about than something so superficial. And, quite frankly, I'm happy to have somewhat average looks - I think the pressure of maintaining the ideal would be harder than the stress over not attaining it.
I also started a Flickr page. I decided I wasn't really happy with Photobucket, and it seems like Flickr is more popular, anyway. I'm always hearing about "so-and-so's awesome Flickr set!" so it seemed to make sense to start an account.
I made LittleFierceOne cry, tonight.
All is well, it just kinda shook me. I said, jokingly, that he thought I was ugly, and he started crying because it upset him that I would think that. And, to be honest, I know that he doesn't think I'm ugly, but I sometimes think I'm ugly. Yes, I know it isn't true, but I'm really not my type. There are times when I feel DAMN SEXY, which is most of the time, but I'm overweight... I'm out of shape... and my boobs are too big. Only I can change that, and I know I don't have to. But I would be happier, for me, if I were in good shape, at least.
Though, this got me thinking... women are conditioned to believe that unless we are the ideal, we aren't pretty. We're ugly. This isn't to say that it's society's fault - I mean, it is, but women perpetuate it. That seed of "You have to be perfect" is planted when we're very young, but why is it so hard to overcome? Why does it bother me so much that I'm not LittleFierceOne's ideal, or like girls x, y, and z? I know better - I know I'm pretty, and fun, and totally cool, but I just can't shake the whole "ideal" thing. It's shitty, and I hate it, because I know better, and it affects me so much more than it should.
I've read journal entries of some SGs, some of the women I wish I looked like, struggling with the same things. And other gorgeous and amazing women also battle this. Why? What is so hard about letting go of impossible aspirations of beauty? Why is it so hard for us to believe that we are attractive, even if we aren't the end-all be-all of beauty? It's frustrating because I know it's something I can overcome, but I just can't seem to get over it. And I'm not the only one.
But, in an odd way, his crying made me feel better. I felt shitty that I made him cry, but that he would feel that strongly about it is further proof that it's a ridiculous thing to think about myself.
It's sad that most women have to struggle to be okay with themselves, but I'm done struggling. I'm sure I'll have the occasional relapse, but for the most part, I'm okay with me. I'm thrilled with me, in fact. I have more important things to worry about than something so superficial. And, quite frankly, I'm happy to have somewhat average looks - I think the pressure of maintaining the ideal would be harder than the stress over not attaining it.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
The lean supermodel is still the ideal...and we KNOW they are genetic freaks or anorexic...and we also know they aren't intended by the fashion world to be the standard, they're just intended to be clotheshangers...but when the size 0's are celebrities, and seem to get the most attractive men, that makes them the standard of beauty.
I've never been one to go along with the social ideal of beauty, for either men or women. The people I find attractive are usually not within that ideal. But it still affects me. I see all these images, and it makes me want to starve myself until I'm 50 lbs thinner. I hate feeling that, but I do feel it...until I tell myself I'm being a fucking moron.
Now, I'd rather just be in the best shape that I can be, with the resources I have. I used to work out a lot more, and I wasn't thin, but I was strong and toned, and physically I felt great. Exercise does make you feel better. Forget diets. Something like 80% of people regain their lost weight after one year. The rest regain it too, just later on. You just can't stick to a deprivation diet for the rest of your life...and your body won't let you. Eating healthy is great, but I think focusing on exercise is the key. You may not lose as much weight, but you'll be healthy, and you'll feel good.
ps...thanks for the sparkly lady
Hey darling...I actually wrote about the very topic of changing beauty standards in my latest journal...which is about 5 years long give or take a month. But it's in there. So I won't get into it here.
Curvy ladies are the sexiest. In my mind. Not in the mainstream. But meh, what does the mainstream have going for it besides numbers of sheep?
Oh darlin, I so played the "i'm not so and so's ideal." the guy I dated for 2 and half years (whose breakup influenced and partially inspired the move out here) and he would quite often let me know how far off his ideal i was. He said this was "helping me out" but really he was just a condescending prick.
But LFO doesn't get mean about it, does he? He better not. Or he's got an asskicking coming at him. But I'm sure he doesn't...he doesn't seem the type.
Ideals are bullshit. I mean I suppose it's good to have standards (at least on emotional and values concerns) but yeah, we aren't meant to hold up to ideals. No one does. Even models think they're too fat. Even the skinniest among them does. So many are desperate for big boobs, others would love to cut theirs off. It's natural to worry, but worry is just as useful as chewing bubble gum to solve a math problem (and yes, I think that's a paraphrase from "everyone's free to wear sunscreen" but it's TRUE).
I'm glad you're done with the struggling...there will be bad days, but you can get through them. I'm doing the same thing myself right now. LOL. We so are soulmates.
Well if you can get out here (aka get the gas money, which I know is steep) I can cover you at the bar. If that helps. Or maybe I should just come out and visit YOU. I'm usually out chapel hill way every friday for therapy and auntie time.
Hope your sleep troubles are clearing up (she says at almost 3am
The great thing about friend requests is you can always say no
Fight the power!
Okay it's bedtime for one rambling princess...
Much lovins and hot smooches sexy mama
PS...sorry I just HAD TO...cause it's true