I had become complacent with my current lot in life; I reached the understanding that it's not so bad. But I have listened to so many people bitch about their lives that it's upped my anxiety (I've always had a problem of taking another person's mindset as my own... I was meant to be an actor) to the point where I've got that Animals song stuck in my head: We gotta get out of this place, if it's the last thing we ever do.
Goddamn right.
But the time isn't right. Why the fuck can't there be a semi (hell, quasi) like-minded individual in NC?! I'm surrounded by rednecked, beer swilling, country music hollerin' Wrong Turn movie extra rejects. And that's just my family. Why the fuck can't I find something social around here? I'm fuckin' Mr. Lonely out here in the sticks. I'd settle for a friend. So far this week it's been Mr. Jameson's and Son (ie- Irish whiskey) and Johnny Walker. I tried to fantasize about a woman the other night and, fuckin-a, there's not a fucking bird I want to fantasize about in this, the Devil's rectum of Hell. Yes, I'm an elitist, but I believe everyone else should be too. The morons I'm surrounded by don't care to be better than they are. It's intelligence I'm talking and some of them have it, they just fail to use it. Fuck, all of my friends seem to have suffered from that.
Lonely and alone. I hate this fucking place. And people. I remember watching Holy Grail while lying on a couch with a girlfriend; roleplaying with buds all night Sundays before showing up to work at 7 am; Midnight showings of Lord of the Rings; dinners with friends and their families; fucking college. All I ask for is a single friend. Blame that on Grand Theft Auto IV and Little Jacob (that's a personal point right now I might discuss at a later date; Damn, to have a friend like Little Jacob). Too few people know lonely, true loneliness. Too few know real friendship. Most would suffer with broken relationships than to face lonely.
And I found out I've been spelling occasional incorrectly for two years. Fuck!
Goddamn right.
But the time isn't right. Why the fuck can't there be a semi (hell, quasi) like-minded individual in NC?! I'm surrounded by rednecked, beer swilling, country music hollerin' Wrong Turn movie extra rejects. And that's just my family. Why the fuck can't I find something social around here? I'm fuckin' Mr. Lonely out here in the sticks. I'd settle for a friend. So far this week it's been Mr. Jameson's and Son (ie- Irish whiskey) and Johnny Walker. I tried to fantasize about a woman the other night and, fuckin-a, there's not a fucking bird I want to fantasize about in this, the Devil's rectum of Hell. Yes, I'm an elitist, but I believe everyone else should be too. The morons I'm surrounded by don't care to be better than they are. It's intelligence I'm talking and some of them have it, they just fail to use it. Fuck, all of my friends seem to have suffered from that.
Lonely and alone. I hate this fucking place. And people. I remember watching Holy Grail while lying on a couch with a girlfriend; roleplaying with buds all night Sundays before showing up to work at 7 am; Midnight showings of Lord of the Rings; dinners with friends and their families; fucking college. All I ask for is a single friend. Blame that on Grand Theft Auto IV and Little Jacob (that's a personal point right now I might discuss at a later date; Damn, to have a friend like Little Jacob). Too few people know lonely, true loneliness. Too few know real friendship. Most would suffer with broken relationships than to face lonely.
And I found out I've been spelling occasional incorrectly for two years. Fuck!
The last 2 close friends I've had were female and I think I've finally come to where I'm certain men and women really can't be friends (of real significance) without having a sexual relationship. I mean if you don't try and make them feel beautiful they are jealous, even if they are dating someone else for christ's sake.
Another platitude of mine (I admit another movie line) is that "everyone dies alone". Lonliness is sad and shitty and having spent most of my time on this earth alone I do think it is kind of a horrible thing (maybe less so if you were an only child but I wasn't- well in that case you wouldn't be lonely so nevermind). Change of scene helps. I've lived in the bay area for almost 7 years now and it is a wonderful place really. But you know once you've done each type of thing 500 times by yourself it gets kind of old. Spending 4 months in Miami was good and I've done that twice since I first moved out west. I remember being in Miami when that was starting to feel old and lonely. But even a weekend trip to LA now is revitalizing. You really need to get out of that fucking place, wherever it is you live. Apparently you realize this, but I dunno you've had a decent job for a while right. It seems you don't have any real excuse for not saving up some money and leaving. We can get used to being lonely only to a certain extent, because we are still animals and social animals as well.