It's the 30th day of the month of the year that I myself hit my 30th birthday. I think I'm depressed though not sure that's the reason. Oh, I should be drinking but I've been up all night and wasted my time. Now I must try to go to sleep so I can get up and stay up all night again only this time being at work at the same time.
Maybe that's what depresses me.
That and that the cycle has come around again when I think of where I should be and where I am. It's my first quandry of the sort since becoming old (thirty is the age of old, I can tell from the teenagers treat me and how I look at twenty y.o. SGs nowadays; by forty five you're not old anymore, teenagers are just indifferent to your existence). It's harder to take now. May have something to do, also, with these anxiety attacks or chest pains or cardiac infarctions I've been having more frequently. I've had chest pains since I was in high school, just marked up to being unpopular and alone, but recently they're more frequent and last a helluva lot longer than I remember.
Wonder if it has anything to do with still being unpopular and alone thirteen years later
I feel one of them coming upon me now. I'm going to bed.
Maybe that's what depresses me.
That and that the cycle has come around again when I think of where I should be and where I am. It's my first quandry of the sort since becoming old (thirty is the age of old, I can tell from the teenagers treat me and how I look at twenty y.o. SGs nowadays; by forty five you're not old anymore, teenagers are just indifferent to your existence). It's harder to take now. May have something to do, also, with these anxiety attacks or chest pains or cardiac infarctions I've been having more frequently. I've had chest pains since I was in high school, just marked up to being unpopular and alone, but recently they're more frequent and last a helluva lot longer than I remember.
Wonder if it has anything to do with still being unpopular and alone thirteen years later
I feel one of them coming upon me now. I'm going to bed.