I'm sitting in front of my computer listening to "A Million Miles" by LostProphets.
When I first heard this song from a leaked version of the album that our friend group got hold of, it somehow got to me, not necessarily the lyrics, but the music, the vocal pattern, all of it, just got to me, it somehow hit parts of me that just triggered a release of tears that always made me feel better afterwards.
I remember listening through the album and loving all of it... Until this track and I was utterly floored. I stopped working (as i was a stock room manager at the time) and just sat there and cried. I listened to it like 10 more times in a row, possibly more and every single time it had the same effect.
I saw them quite a few more times after this and the only played it once to my recollection but it didn't matter....
At least until December 2012
Congratulations Ian, your selfish, horrible, heinous acts ruined the lives of not only fucking 5 other people who were your brothers in arms, but the people who worked for the band, the label and the millions of fans and supporters around the world.
So so so many people had your back, we were there, even though you treated a lot of people badly, a lot of people still fucking stuck up for you and defended you and you just spat in our faces.
The lives you have ruined, the memories we now look back on and wince because we all doubt we are allowed to fucking have any good feelings about those times. Every moment of the Burn Burn video shoot, every backstage party, every hangout we all had is tainted because of you.
I have so much anger and frustration aimed towards you that I've never felt towards someone before and I don't know how to expel it. Everytime I see your name in print, all I can think about is your poor victims and what will Mike, Jamie, Lee, Stu, Luke think if or when they see it? How will it make them feel? YOU WERE MIKE'S BEST MAN AT HIS WEDDING YOU CUNT! How is he supposed to feel? Fucking 10 plus years in vans, tours buses, interviews, studios, stages all over the world and now no member of the band / tour can think back and not second guess and question if there wasn't something else happening. But you were not thinking about anyone but yourself you piece of fucking shit! I fucking hate what you have done to so many people.
2003 / 2004 was all about this album, I listened to it constantly for years, along with Liberation Transmission but this is the first time I've listened to anything properly since this all happened and I'm trying to see if I can get past it myself... I think it'll take time.
I still wish it weren't true
