Whew, got back from Maine yesterday. Got to see everyone, and I had a lot of fun until the day I left...
Got into a big fight with my mom on the last day. My mom is a horrible nag at times, and can make simple things very unpleasant due to her NEEDING to have everyone do things her way. My poor sister is 22 and still living at home because it is very hard to get a decent job in Maine at that age. My mom and my sister fight constantly over every little thing, and I can't blame my sister as I went through the same things when I lived there.
My mother is full of fears that has kept her from enjoying her life, and I don't want to see that happen to my sister. I'm glad that my brother and I moved away and got past her hang ups, even though I wish I could see my family more often. As an example, on Christmas morning my sister wanted to make waffles. My mom said no, because she insisted that my sister would make a mess (my mom is a clean freak, and no one can clean the way she likes, so she insists that she has to clean up everything), and that my sister would burn the waffle iron. Is an argument and bad feelings really worth a waffle iron? Years down the road will my mom be happy with her waffle iron, or will she regret spending so much time making arguments with her kids, and regretting that they never come to see her anymore? She makes us crazy with her hang ups and paranoia. My brother and I moved away (far away) so we could lead lives that make us happy without hearing constant bickering about every little thing we do, but my poor sister is stuck there, and I fear she's starting to buy into some of my mom's fears. My sister has done very little so far in her life, in part because Maine has little to offer, and in part because my mother keeps her from trying things.
So I agrued with my mom, trying to get her to see that she isn't happy, that she makes us unhappy by acting that way, and that she needs to change. In her negative world view, all she heard was that we don't want to be around her whicvh isn't true. We just want her to change so we CAN be around her without going crazy. My mom can be great, and I love her unconditionally, but I admit I don't visit as often as I could because it just isn't worth the trip to toss the dice and hope we don't get into stupid agruments, or that her unhappiness won't rub off on me making the whole trip wasted.
Ugh, why can't she hear what all of her kids (and her husband) is saying? And can I get through enough of my sisters insecurities that mom has programmed her with to get her out of Maine? And if I do get my sister out and leading a happier life, how can I deal with the guilt that we left my mother alone to her unhappiness, that all of her children moved away?
Got into a big fight with my mom on the last day. My mom is a horrible nag at times, and can make simple things very unpleasant due to her NEEDING to have everyone do things her way. My poor sister is 22 and still living at home because it is very hard to get a decent job in Maine at that age. My mom and my sister fight constantly over every little thing, and I can't blame my sister as I went through the same things when I lived there.
My mother is full of fears that has kept her from enjoying her life, and I don't want to see that happen to my sister. I'm glad that my brother and I moved away and got past her hang ups, even though I wish I could see my family more often. As an example, on Christmas morning my sister wanted to make waffles. My mom said no, because she insisted that my sister would make a mess (my mom is a clean freak, and no one can clean the way she likes, so she insists that she has to clean up everything), and that my sister would burn the waffle iron. Is an argument and bad feelings really worth a waffle iron? Years down the road will my mom be happy with her waffle iron, or will she regret spending so much time making arguments with her kids, and regretting that they never come to see her anymore? She makes us crazy with her hang ups and paranoia. My brother and I moved away (far away) so we could lead lives that make us happy without hearing constant bickering about every little thing we do, but my poor sister is stuck there, and I fear she's starting to buy into some of my mom's fears. My sister has done very little so far in her life, in part because Maine has little to offer, and in part because my mother keeps her from trying things.
So I agrued with my mom, trying to get her to see that she isn't happy, that she makes us unhappy by acting that way, and that she needs to change. In her negative world view, all she heard was that we don't want to be around her whicvh isn't true. We just want her to change so we CAN be around her without going crazy. My mom can be great, and I love her unconditionally, but I admit I don't visit as often as I could because it just isn't worth the trip to toss the dice and hope we don't get into stupid agruments, or that her unhappiness won't rub off on me making the whole trip wasted.
Ugh, why can't she hear what all of her kids (and her husband) is saying? And can I get through enough of my sisters insecurities that mom has programmed her with to get her out of Maine? And if I do get my sister out and leading a happier life, how can I deal with the guilt that we left my mother alone to her unhappiness, that all of her children moved away?
[Edited on Dec 29, 2005 3:38AM]