theduke

That pretty much somes up the stress I've been feeling at work. I can't really explain it, it's just everything I've been working on has had something awkward attached to it so I've had to spend ages fixing it rather than the la de da click click and finish that the job usually requires. My boss loves it though becuase she says it shows my dedication to the task, whereas I'm just sorting shit out that is a piece of piece but time consuming. I'm not dedicated, I'm just not lazy.

That last sentence saddens me, I used to love being lazy. It's really weird how you adjust to your environment. I'm really involved in the nine to five lifestyle and it really bothers me. I want someone to buy my scripts so I can just sit back and do fuck all. I want to talk to the people I want rather than the people I have to. I want to be reckless without showing off, I want to be quirky without being the centre of attention. I want to be in a group where I'm average not exceptional, a place where I'm comfortable and don't stand out. I need to suppress my ego so I don't become a wanker again and surround myself with people I admire and look up to. I joke with people and perform, but I don't really respect them, they're just an audience. I need my friends back, people who know what I'm like and don't give a shit. Where are all the good people that I respect and value? Why has the working week cut me off from having a social life?


I need to disappear.