theduke

Praise the Lord for Sundays! No seriously, you should, it's not called the Lord's day for nothing

Hectic mad week.

I was not so appreciative of work once I got back from Scotland. Thankfully I had Thursday off so I went out on a booze cruise on Wednesday night. It was a bit of a random event as a lady from my distant past invited me and I wasn't quite sure of her intentions. I never have been sure though which is why she is part of my past not present. Anyway I'd convinced myself I was just there to make up the numbers, but went along anyway as it's nice to see Bristol from the water occassionally. Turned out I knew a fair few people there and the lady just wanted to make peace and establish a platonic friendship. I'm cool with that, she can be pretty nice when not trying to head fuck you.

Thursday turned out to be far from the relaxing day off I'd hoped. After watching the matinee performance of Serenity (go watch it now!) I picked up my Scottish pics to post on here. The thing was, it was an old film that had been in the camera a while so it had random shots from many events over the past year. Some were nice memories - shots from the open mic I used to host; the first pics I took of my new flat and the Scottish pics obviously. However, there were a fair few bad ones, most notably some of my ex-girlfriend and the reminder of the horrible situation and experiences of June 2005.

Then to top it all off there was one picture of a girl that I loved for two years and never told. One of the classic "the girl that got away" moments that was really out of my hands (she had a boyfriend for the majority of the time I knew her and then she was still in the re-bound stage when uni finished). I had pretty much dealt with the fact that nothing would happen, I was just happy I met her and had the opportunity to experience those feelings, better to have loved and lost and all that. The problem is that the photo I discovered is a really really good photo. This isn't just a photo that reminds me how beautiful she is, it reminds me just how strongly my feelings were for her. I'm not a great photographer, but I do know that if you love something then the photo is generally better, you know the subject inside out and can capture the perfect moment much easier as you have a heightened sense of what they look like. Maybe I'm not explaining this well, but basically this picture reminds me how much I loved her and it has thrown a fair amount of confusion my way. I'm happy with my life and I still don't think our friendship is in a place where it's alright for me to declare my love for her, not even sure if I still love her as much as i did. Since uni we've gone on our seperate paths and we might be growing in completely separate ways. Things is I don't know.

I don't know I don't know I don't know.

Fortunately distraction came in the form of a call that evening to go and record my mates gig so they could have a DVD of a live performance. I needed to take my mind off things so I went down. It was a good gig but got cut short when the bell went for last orders. The problem of pub gigs! The Louisiana is a cool place for bands though and one of the support bands had the old drummer of Queen's of the Stone Age apparently. I wasn't really paying attention to the non technical aspects of the night though so I wasn't really paying attnetion. Sounded good though.

So that was Thursday.

With all the stuff going on in my head Friday wasn't really a fun day at work. I was up til half one the night before uploading footage onto my mac and really wasn't feeling chatty. This freaked out my boss though as I generally flirt outrageously with her on a daily basis, that day I just did my job. She even tried flirting with me bless her. Really needed to just hide in work though.

Saturday was much the same, but with the added bad news that after much heckling of my uni to get my degree result I found out I failed a module. Now my uni admistration is shit and I've had a job for three months now and a flat that I pay for myself. Not really sure if I can be bothered to redo one module so I can change my degree from a BA to a BA (Hons). I did uni for me, not so I could get some graduate job. I learnt what I wanted from the course and if I can't write it down in a way to satisfy the critics then ce la vie. However, if it's just a matter of resubmitting the assignments over the course of the next year and won't cost a load of time and money, why not go for it? I only failed by 1% I'm gonna have to ring the uni tomorrow to sort out my options. Anyone here had to redo a module at uni? What's the procedure?

Anyway, that's thrown even more into the shit mix, so I went out to a Roald Dahl themed fancy dress party last night to take my mind of it. Really worked though as I met a girl whose had a really awful life. I'll keep my word and withold the details, but it got me thinking. Why do we always feel better when hearing someone is in a worse position than us? When did compassion become a conscious decision instead of subconscious?

I don't know I don't know I don't know.

Well peeps, I'm off to watch some more footage of the Kashmir earthquake to perk myself up.

Hope you're all having a lovely day.

Duke T