A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job.
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."
What Color Panties do you have on?
Rocky, a mafia wise-guy, just had gotten paid a plentiful sum of money. He decided to improve his image and have a swell night-out impressing the ladies. So he went and purchased a custom tailored Armani suite, a Forzieri shirt, and a pair of $500 Gucci shoes. After being well suited for his night on the town, he started out at his favorite night club; where he new the ladies were hot and wanting. The atmosphere of the club was upbeat, discrete and sensual.
Rocky saw a familiar girl that he approached, and asked, Hey Andria, you want to dance with Rocky? She said, Sure Rocky, Id love to dance with you. So the two were dancing and Rocky asked, Hey Andria, you have on a pair of pink panties? She said, Why yes Rocky, how did you know? He said Well I could see them in the reflection of my shoe. She said, Rocky that is unlike a gentleman to say such a thing; slapping him and walking off the dance floor.
He didnt give it a second thought and proceeded to his next prospect, a girl he once met at a party; he approached her saying, Hey Rosalia, you want to dance with Rocky? She said, Sure Rocky, Id love to dance with you. So the two were dancing and Rocky asked, Hey Rosalia, you have on a pair of blue panties? She said, Why yes Rocky, how did you know? He said Well I could see them in the reflection of my shoe. She said, Rocky, you are such a pig, slapping him and walking off the dance floor.
Still determined to get laid while having a good time, but less assured by is new image, he approached another girl who had a promiscuous reputation. He said, Hey Delanna you want to dance with Rocky? She said, Sure Rocky, Id love to dance with you. So the two were dancing and Rocky asked, Hey Delanna, what color panties are you wearing? She said, Im not wearing any panties Rocky. He said, Well thats good Delanna. She said, Ohhhh Rocky, why do you ask? He said, There for a moment I thought I had a scratch on my new shoes.
To rob a Bank
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!" The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"
An Irishman
An Irishman was drinking at the pub all night.
The bartender came up to him and told him that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand up one more time with the same result. So he figured he'd just crawl outside, hang out for a while, get some fresh air and hopefully that would sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell again right on his face.
So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrived at the door he tried one more time with the same results.
Exhausted, he then gave up and started crawling to the bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright but he quickly fell right into the bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
The next morning, he woke up with his wife standing over him shouting at him.
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" He asked as he put on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."
The blind Man
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR Stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
I start my (4) fourth week at the academy this week. This past Friday, we had a test that everyone thought was going to be extra hard. It has been a fun experience and the people that I have in the class are fun to hang with.
This past week, people were looking at me strange because I was walking with a girl that I knew while I was a student. They had the nerve to call her a "police groupie" and that made me a little angry. They don't know me and to call a friend of mine that, well let us say that I was none to pleased.
This week seems to be an easy week, most days I am at the college for about ,(12), twelve hours and makes for a really long day. Majority of this week, I am out of class about, (3), three or ,(4), four.
Henshin a go-go baby.
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job.
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."
What Color Panties do you have on?
Rocky, a mafia wise-guy, just had gotten paid a plentiful sum of money. He decided to improve his image and have a swell night-out impressing the ladies. So he went and purchased a custom tailored Armani suite, a Forzieri shirt, and a pair of $500 Gucci shoes. After being well suited for his night on the town, he started out at his favorite night club; where he new the ladies were hot and wanting. The atmosphere of the club was upbeat, discrete and sensual.
Rocky saw a familiar girl that he approached, and asked, Hey Andria, you want to dance with Rocky? She said, Sure Rocky, Id love to dance with you. So the two were dancing and Rocky asked, Hey Andria, you have on a pair of pink panties? She said, Why yes Rocky, how did you know? He said Well I could see them in the reflection of my shoe. She said, Rocky that is unlike a gentleman to say such a thing; slapping him and walking off the dance floor.
He didnt give it a second thought and proceeded to his next prospect, a girl he once met at a party; he approached her saying, Hey Rosalia, you want to dance with Rocky? She said, Sure Rocky, Id love to dance with you. So the two were dancing and Rocky asked, Hey Rosalia, you have on a pair of blue panties? She said, Why yes Rocky, how did you know? He said Well I could see them in the reflection of my shoe. She said, Rocky, you are such a pig, slapping him and walking off the dance floor.
Still determined to get laid while having a good time, but less assured by is new image, he approached another girl who had a promiscuous reputation. He said, Hey Delanna you want to dance with Rocky? She said, Sure Rocky, Id love to dance with you. So the two were dancing and Rocky asked, Hey Delanna, what color panties are you wearing? She said, Im not wearing any panties Rocky. He said, Well thats good Delanna. She said, Ohhhh Rocky, why do you ask? He said, There for a moment I thought I had a scratch on my new shoes.
To rob a Bank
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!" The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"
An Irishman
An Irishman was drinking at the pub all night.
The bartender came up to him and told him that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand up one more time with the same result. So he figured he'd just crawl outside, hang out for a while, get some fresh air and hopefully that would sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell again right on his face.
So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrived at the door he tried one more time with the same results.
Exhausted, he then gave up and started crawling to the bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright but he quickly fell right into the bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
The next morning, he woke up with his wife standing over him shouting at him.
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" He asked as he put on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."
The blind Man
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR Stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
I start my (4) fourth week at the academy this week. This past Friday, we had a test that everyone thought was going to be extra hard. It has been a fun experience and the people that I have in the class are fun to hang with.
This past week, people were looking at me strange because I was walking with a girl that I knew while I was a student. They had the nerve to call her a "police groupie" and that made me a little angry. They don't know me and to call a friend of mine that, well let us say that I was none to pleased.
This week seems to be an easy week, most days I am at the college for about ,(12), twelve hours and makes for a really long day. Majority of this week, I am out of class about, (3), three or ,(4), four.
Henshin a go-go baby.
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
Also, my stalker serives are available! Of course, we're going to have to discuss to what degree I am allowed to stalk you as I wouldn't want to wake the babies while I stood outside of your window in the pouring rain screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".