Crazy Clone Humor
There are 2 clones, one of the clones is real nice and well mannered, while the other one is real nasty and mean and always says bad words. So one day the 'good' clone pushes the 'bad' clone off the roof of a building.
The next day the police came to his house and arrest him for making an "obscene clone fall"!
Nickel-Diming Johnny
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
Superbaby!
A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room as his wife was giving birth to their first child. After an eternity the doctor came out and said, "I have some news for you... you have a baby girl. And there's something else... she's special.
The man nervously asked, "Special - like retarded?"
The doctor said no and told him to follow him into the room. There lying on the table was his new girl. The doctor then told the man that his baby could fly. The man looked completely perplexed, so the doc said he would show him.
He picked the baby up and threw her across the room where she smashed into a wall and slid to the floor. The man didn't think this was amusing at all. The doctor assured the man that only moments ago, the baby was flying all over the room and that he should give the baby another try.
The doc picked up the baby and tossed it in the air again. This time it hit the ceiling and crashed to the floor. By now the man was furious and demanded an explanation, saying, "Obviously you were lying, my baby can't fly!"
The doctor said, "Yeah you're right, I was just messing with you. It was stillborn."
Death waits
There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American, and a Pollock. They are all set to be put in the electric chair. The Brit gets strapped up first. The executioner asks if he's got any last words to say. The Brit says, "God bless the Queen and England." The executioner proceeds to the switch, but nothing happens. The executioner tells the Brit, that he'll come back for him. He then goes to the chair where the American is strapped down and asks for his last words. The Americian says, "God bless America." The executioner pulls the switch, but again nothing happens. The executioner tells the American to sit tight because he'll be back for him. He then walks over to the Pollock strapped in the seat and asks for his last words. The Pollock replies, "Yes, you forgot to plug the damn thing up, idiot!
Encyclopedias For sale
For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas. No longer need them -- damn wife knows everything!!
God and Men's Sex Lives
When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years.
"But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty."
"May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey agreed. The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man asked for the remaining ten. Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten years and got them.
This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself.
I am a sort of a practical joker and I like to play jokes on people, so go over to missdates and read her journal and tell me if I would have gone too far.
I told her that no one would have believed me.
Henshin a-go-go baby.
There are 2 clones, one of the clones is real nice and well mannered, while the other one is real nasty and mean and always says bad words. So one day the 'good' clone pushes the 'bad' clone off the roof of a building.
The next day the police came to his house and arrest him for making an "obscene clone fall"!
Nickel-Diming Johnny
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
Superbaby!
A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room as his wife was giving birth to their first child. After an eternity the doctor came out and said, "I have some news for you... you have a baby girl. And there's something else... she's special.
The man nervously asked, "Special - like retarded?"
The doctor said no and told him to follow him into the room. There lying on the table was his new girl. The doctor then told the man that his baby could fly. The man looked completely perplexed, so the doc said he would show him.
He picked the baby up and threw her across the room where she smashed into a wall and slid to the floor. The man didn't think this was amusing at all. The doctor assured the man that only moments ago, the baby was flying all over the room and that he should give the baby another try.
The doc picked up the baby and tossed it in the air again. This time it hit the ceiling and crashed to the floor. By now the man was furious and demanded an explanation, saying, "Obviously you were lying, my baby can't fly!"
The doctor said, "Yeah you're right, I was just messing with you. It was stillborn."
Death waits
There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American, and a Pollock. They are all set to be put in the electric chair. The Brit gets strapped up first. The executioner asks if he's got any last words to say. The Brit says, "God bless the Queen and England." The executioner proceeds to the switch, but nothing happens. The executioner tells the Brit, that he'll come back for him. He then goes to the chair where the American is strapped down and asks for his last words. The Americian says, "God bless America." The executioner pulls the switch, but again nothing happens. The executioner tells the American to sit tight because he'll be back for him. He then walks over to the Pollock strapped in the seat and asks for his last words. The Pollock replies, "Yes, you forgot to plug the damn thing up, idiot!
Encyclopedias For sale
For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas. No longer need them -- damn wife knows everything!!
God and Men's Sex Lives
When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years.
"But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty."
"May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey agreed. The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man asked for the remaining ten. Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten years and got them.
This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself.
I am a sort of a practical joker and I like to play jokes on people, so go over to missdates and read her journal and tell me if I would have gone too far.
I told her that no one would have believed me.
Henshin a-go-go baby.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
annamei:
i think i would have wanted to kick your ass if she went along with that joke 
noctem:
Dude, did you check that thing out in Gangrel's journal that I told you about?