A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a three-day cruise. The guy was disappointed that it was such a short cruise, but booked it . . . and went to the drugstore to buy Dramamines and three condoms.
The next day, the agent called back and reported that he now could book a five-day cruise. The guy said, "Great, I'll take it!"! and returned to the same pharmacy to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent called yet again, and said he was delighted that he could offer them bookings on an eight-day cruise. The guy was elated and, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, I'm not trying to pry. . but, if it makes you sick . . why do you keep doing it?"
Why Cats Are Like Men!
They are independent.
They don't listen.
They don't come in when you call.
They like to stay out all night.
When you are trying to get things done, they want your attention.
When they are home, they like to be left alone and sleep.
Women's Bits!
Some men like looking at women's arses. Some men like looking at women's tits. Me, I like looking at the tops of their heads.
Dubya & Moses' Face Time!
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the US of A, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 days!"
Abstinence!
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
Squawks!
Squawks are problems left behind by airplane pilots that are checked for each night. These problems are always solved before the next flight. Here are some actual problems (P) and their solutions (S).
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. (S) Left inside main tire almost replaced.
(P) Test flight OK, except Auto Land very rough. (S) Auto Land not installed on this aircraft.
(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid. (S) #2 propeller seepage normal. #'s 1, 3, and 4 lack normal seepage.
(P) Something loose in cockpit. (S) Something tightened in cockpit.
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. (S) Evidence removed.
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud. (S) Volume set to a more believable level.
(P) Dead bugs on windshield. (S) Live bugs on order.
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold more produces a 200 fpm descent. (S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.
(P) IFF inoperative. (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. (S) That's what they're there for.
Well the familys back from their trip and I couldn't be happier. Looking forward to this weekend, SFP!
Henshin a-go-go baby!
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a three-day cruise. The guy was disappointed that it was such a short cruise, but booked it . . . and went to the drugstore to buy Dramamines and three condoms.
The next day, the agent called back and reported that he now could book a five-day cruise. The guy said, "Great, I'll take it!"! and returned to the same pharmacy to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent called yet again, and said he was delighted that he could offer them bookings on an eight-day cruise. The guy was elated and, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, I'm not trying to pry. . but, if it makes you sick . . why do you keep doing it?"
Why Cats Are Like Men!
They are independent.
They don't listen.
They don't come in when you call.
They like to stay out all night.
When you are trying to get things done, they want your attention.
When they are home, they like to be left alone and sleep.
Women's Bits!
Some men like looking at women's arses. Some men like looking at women's tits. Me, I like looking at the tops of their heads.
Dubya & Moses' Face Time!
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the US of A, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 days!"
Abstinence!
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
Squawks!
Squawks are problems left behind by airplane pilots that are checked for each night. These problems are always solved before the next flight. Here are some actual problems (P) and their solutions (S).
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. (S) Left inside main tire almost replaced.
(P) Test flight OK, except Auto Land very rough. (S) Auto Land not installed on this aircraft.
(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid. (S) #2 propeller seepage normal. #'s 1, 3, and 4 lack normal seepage.
(P) Something loose in cockpit. (S) Something tightened in cockpit.
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. (S) Evidence removed.
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud. (S) Volume set to a more believable level.
(P) Dead bugs on windshield. (S) Live bugs on order.
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold more produces a 200 fpm descent. (S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.
(P) IFF inoperative. (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. (S) That's what they're there for.
Well the familys back from their trip and I couldn't be happier. Looking forward to this weekend, SFP!
Henshin a-go-go baby!
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
However, he finally saw fit to tell me that even asking him about that was 'shameful' and 'spitting on the sanctity of marriage.' He was angry but it still hurt to hear him say that to me. He came back and said that he loves me but he's just confused about me right now and hasn't elaborated.
I told him that this is something I can't make go away and he said he knows. So I'm just waiting to see what he has to say once he gets his feelings sorted out.