40' Long and Stinky!
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
6.9!
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
A Hooker and a Bungee Jump!
What do a ungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
A Letter To Tide!
Dear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days, because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago, I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didn't do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I can't praise your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty garbage bags...
Thanks again!
John Smith.
Bad Dog, Put Fluffy Back!
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, 'Did you hear that Fluffy died?' The guy stammers and says, 'Um...no...um...what happened?'. The neighbor replies, 'We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!
I hardly get excited over things in my life, don't believe me, ask missdates. Anyway, I am excited over the party that is happening on the 26th. Also the Prom thing that is happening in San Francisco, I never went to Prom, that is what happens when you are fat and ugly, more then than now, and I always wanted to go to San Fransisco, so hopefully things work out and we can go. Also I am excited to go to San Diego in July for the Comic-Con, I am such a comic-book nerd.
Well the good thing is I set the expectations for things so low that if they don't fall through, I don't get upset.
Henshin a-go-go baby.
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
6.9!
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
A Hooker and a Bungee Jump!
What do a ungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
A Letter To Tide!
Dear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days, because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago, I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didn't do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I can't praise your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty garbage bags...
Thanks again!
John Smith.
Bad Dog, Put Fluffy Back!
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, 'Did you hear that Fluffy died?' The guy stammers and says, 'Um...no...um...what happened?'. The neighbor replies, 'We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!
I hardly get excited over things in my life, don't believe me, ask missdates. Anyway, I am excited over the party that is happening on the 26th. Also the Prom thing that is happening in San Francisco, I never went to Prom, that is what happens when you are fat and ugly, more then than now, and I always wanted to go to San Fransisco, so hopefully things work out and we can go. Also I am excited to go to San Diego in July for the Comic-Con, I am such a comic-book nerd.
Well the good thing is I set the expectations for things so low that if they don't fall through, I don't get upset.
Henshin a-go-go baby.
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
charlize:
I loved your joke! I laughed my ass off!!! 
Thanks so much. 
Thanks so much.
charlize:
Your wife is beautiful and your kids are soooooooooo cute!