Think About It!
* Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
* Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
* When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
* Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
* A closed mouth gathers no feet.
* A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
* A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.
* The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
New British Invention
A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough.
Women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Dish Washer
How do you turn a dish washer into a snow plow?
....Give her a shovel.
Getting Married
"My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can...she's always on my back."
--Scott Wood
Sports Quotes
Funny but Dumb Quotes From the World of Sports
"I'm rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?"
-Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players' union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike.
"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf."
-Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf
"There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, 'You never know.'"
-Pitcher Joaquin Andujar
"He's the about the size of a lot of guys that size."
-Offensive coordinator Gary Crowton, on QB Cade McNown
"It's almost like we have ESPN."
-Magic Johnson, on how well he and James Worthy work together
"Tom."
-Tom Nissalke, New coach of the NBA's Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name, 1966
"Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good."
-Tom Watt, ex-Maple Leaves coach (his team was not so good)
"I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the other women in sports."
-Martina Hingis in Detour Magazine, 3/98 issue.
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
-Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota, 1996.
"He (Julio Cesar Chavez) speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual, too."
-Don King, boxing promoter.
"Then I was skinnier. I hit it better, I putted better, and I could see better. Other than that, everything is the same."
-PGA Senior Tour player Homero Blancas.
"It's basically the same, just darker."
-Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, 1991
"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
-Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator
Well it has been a while that I have updated.
Missdates and I are doing well and we had an ultrasound done so we could see the baby. Missdates was worried that she wasn't pregnant because when she went to her Doctor, they couldn't find the heart beat. Well I guess the kid was sitting a little high in her uterus. So they found the little shit and we are going to be parents again....this time, it's only one.
Life on the reservation has been interesting to say the least. One Sunday night, I was in route to a call at house and it was an unknown trouble call. When I get there, I see a girl about seventeen standing in front of the house. I ask her what happened and she replied her sixteen year-old boyfriend slapped her and hit her in the face. I asked her where he was and she sayed he was in her bedroom. She said he had been drinking and when I called for him to come out, he replied with "Fuck you!"
I again tell him to come out and he says I have to go in and get him. Well I go in to the house and she tells the bedroom is the first door on the rightat the begining of the hallway. I clear the rest of the house and then make my way to the bedroom. I see this guy sitting on the bed and I tell him to lay on the ground and put his hands behind his back. He says the only way I am going to get him out was with a bullet right here and points to his temple. I again tell him the whole spiel about getting on the ground and putting his hands behind his back. Well he is refusing to do so and then I see a small blade in his left hand, then I tell him to drop the knife or I would tase him. He then puts the knife to his throat and says why should he. I tell him I would tase him if he didn't and he then began to do the motion of cutting his throat.
Well needless to say, I tased his sorry ass.
I again told him to drop the knife and he began to say "Fuc.."
when I tased him again. Then he complied and let me hand cuff him.
Stupid kids.
* Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
* Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
* When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
* Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
* A closed mouth gathers no feet.
* A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
* A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.
* The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
New British Invention
A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough.
Women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Dish Washer
How do you turn a dish washer into a snow plow?
....Give her a shovel.
Getting Married
"My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can...she's always on my back."
--Scott Wood
Sports Quotes
Funny but Dumb Quotes From the World of Sports
"I'm rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?"
-Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players' union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike.
"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf."
-Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf
"There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, 'You never know.'"
-Pitcher Joaquin Andujar
"He's the about the size of a lot of guys that size."
-Offensive coordinator Gary Crowton, on QB Cade McNown
"It's almost like we have ESPN."
-Magic Johnson, on how well he and James Worthy work together
"Tom."
-Tom Nissalke, New coach of the NBA's Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name, 1966
"Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good."
-Tom Watt, ex-Maple Leaves coach (his team was not so good)
"I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the other women in sports."
-Martina Hingis in Detour Magazine, 3/98 issue.
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
-Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota, 1996.
"He (Julio Cesar Chavez) speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual, too."
-Don King, boxing promoter.
"Then I was skinnier. I hit it better, I putted better, and I could see better. Other than that, everything is the same."
-PGA Senior Tour player Homero Blancas.
"It's basically the same, just darker."
-Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, 1991
"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
-Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator
Well it has been a while that I have updated.
Missdates and I are doing well and we had an ultrasound done so we could see the baby. Missdates was worried that she wasn't pregnant because when she went to her Doctor, they couldn't find the heart beat. Well I guess the kid was sitting a little high in her uterus. So they found the little shit and we are going to be parents again....this time, it's only one.
Life on the reservation has been interesting to say the least. One Sunday night, I was in route to a call at house and it was an unknown trouble call. When I get there, I see a girl about seventeen standing in front of the house. I ask her what happened and she replied her sixteen year-old boyfriend slapped her and hit her in the face. I asked her where he was and she sayed he was in her bedroom. She said he had been drinking and when I called for him to come out, he replied with "Fuck you!"
I again tell him to come out and he says I have to go in and get him. Well I go in to the house and she tells the bedroom is the first door on the rightat the begining of the hallway. I clear the rest of the house and then make my way to the bedroom. I see this guy sitting on the bed and I tell him to lay on the ground and put his hands behind his back. He says the only way I am going to get him out was with a bullet right here and points to his temple. I again tell him the whole spiel about getting on the ground and putting his hands behind his back. Well he is refusing to do so and then I see a small blade in his left hand, then I tell him to drop the knife or I would tase him. He then puts the knife to his throat and says why should he. I tell him I would tase him if he didn't and he then began to do the motion of cutting his throat.
Well needless to say, I tased his sorry ass.
I again told him to drop the knife and he began to say "Fuc.."
when I tased him again. Then he complied and let me hand cuff him.
Stupid kids.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
So how are you doing? Are you and Missdates coming to the Con this year?