Blarrrrgh
I know why I don't want to write extensively about my life. It feels like I've said it all before. And if I actually still had all the contents of my previous journals, then that would be true. I think it's easier for me to have conversations than to just sit down and write about stuff. I mean, the reason I come home is to *not* think about anything that bothers me. Unless something has completely shattered my world view and I'm starving myself or something, when I walk in my door, I have entered my sanctum where the outside world doesn't get at me. I think that may be one of the greatest problems I've ever and will ever have: disconnection.
I also fear that the wrong people could find my journal and read it out of context. So discussing my deepest beliefs and problems may just bite my ass in the end.
Well, damn it. Fine. I'm going to tell you one thing. I'm going to force myself, and this is kind of a practice, because I'm trying to open up. I want to be a writer and get my thoughts out. The one thing is this guy Dan at work. He just got hired in the kitchen a little over a month ago, and I was pretty uneasy about him. (I get vibes from people.) Well, I found out on the down-low that he had a one-night-stand with one of the female bartenders, and it was one that I happened to really like and respect. It made me sick to my stomach, and after that, I was often in a rut about him. I tried to blame it on his beginner mistakes in the kitchen. I tried telling people I didn't like his attitude (which I really don't, but would probably be irritated about less if he didn't act like a bigshot and everybody's new best-friend.) The hate boils up in me, but I think I've been letting it get the better of me. I've let hate get the better of me for so long about so many things. I hope and pray that I'm learning to let go, now. I'm just going to let go.
I realized something on the busride. You can hate everyone, or you can love everyone. If you hate everyone, you'll probably feel miserable and alone all the time. If you love everyone, you've got it made. I want to learn to love everyone, even my sworn enemies. In fact, I find myself wishing I was a little more like Jesus.
Well, that's my stupid journal entry. Enjoy wading through my shitass writing form.
I know why I don't want to write extensively about my life. It feels like I've said it all before. And if I actually still had all the contents of my previous journals, then that would be true. I think it's easier for me to have conversations than to just sit down and write about stuff. I mean, the reason I come home is to *not* think about anything that bothers me. Unless something has completely shattered my world view and I'm starving myself or something, when I walk in my door, I have entered my sanctum where the outside world doesn't get at me. I think that may be one of the greatest problems I've ever and will ever have: disconnection.
I also fear that the wrong people could find my journal and read it out of context. So discussing my deepest beliefs and problems may just bite my ass in the end.
Well, damn it. Fine. I'm going to tell you one thing. I'm going to force myself, and this is kind of a practice, because I'm trying to open up. I want to be a writer and get my thoughts out. The one thing is this guy Dan at work. He just got hired in the kitchen a little over a month ago, and I was pretty uneasy about him. (I get vibes from people.) Well, I found out on the down-low that he had a one-night-stand with one of the female bartenders, and it was one that I happened to really like and respect. It made me sick to my stomach, and after that, I was often in a rut about him. I tried to blame it on his beginner mistakes in the kitchen. I tried telling people I didn't like his attitude (which I really don't, but would probably be irritated about less if he didn't act like a bigshot and everybody's new best-friend.) The hate boils up in me, but I think I've been letting it get the better of me. I've let hate get the better of me for so long about so many things. I hope and pray that I'm learning to let go, now. I'm just going to let go.
I realized something on the busride. You can hate everyone, or you can love everyone. If you hate everyone, you'll probably feel miserable and alone all the time. If you love everyone, you've got it made. I want to learn to love everyone, even my sworn enemies. In fact, I find myself wishing I was a little more like Jesus.
Well, that's my stupid journal entry. Enjoy wading through my shitass writing form.