the_sween

I'm a total mess... For once I have everything I want, and I'm still worried.. something just doesn't seem right. No matter what I do I can't seem to shake the negative feeling inside. Like I'm denying my own happiness...

My nightmares have worsened. Sometimes I'm actually awake for them.
My memory doesn't seem to be getting any better... In fact I had an epiphany about why I see my memories from the outside looking in when I get flashes of the past forgotten. My mind is so fit on blocking them out because I can't picture myself as the person I was, or am... I need to find myself, because I'm lost and I'm seemingly doomed to live without the beauty of remembering even the simplest of things.

Kristen has known me for five years, I remember hanging out with her once. She keeps telling me, but the little flashes I get seem so... Fake. Mostly because I'm looking at myself from some floating perspective. Every memory is like this... I'm so worried of remembering because this goes back so far, since I was a young child. After my great grandfather passed in '94, I was never the same. Furthermore, the head injury doesn't help. I want to remember everything, but I don't. So much more to write, but posting from my phone is a pain...

To be continued later today... Goodnight, friends.