the_recliner

Felling sorry for myself again

I broke up with my girlfriend just about 5 months ago, I have eventually accepted that we wont be getting back together and am trying to move on but it is so hard because I really don't want too

I guess what makes it so hard is that the break up was one sided, she wasn't happy so she left, which was the right thing to do for her but I guess what really made it difficult to accept for me is that there was no attempt made to try and fix things so I feel a bit short changed by that, I would have thought that a 5 year relationship deserved at least a bit of effort

The main reason it ended is because she is 6 years younger than me and we started going out when she was 19, she went straight from college to working to living with me and felt that she had missed out on living a young and carefree life and she didn't think she could do that with me. I would never have denied her anything but she wouldn't even give it a chance, I kind of understand but still feel it was a bit unfair. The age gap between us was never a problem but I guess in the end it was more of a time in our lives gap

Part of what makes things so difficult is that in many ways we are perfect for each other and I feel that if we had not been going out and had met for the first time now when she had had the chance to enjoy her youth that there would be no problems

I wouldn't trade the time we had together we had for anything but sometimes life and timing sucks

So here I am having recently turned 30 and having to start from scratch, I feel a bit cheated because she claims to have known from a very early stage in our relationship that things wouldn't work out, I kind of feel like I have wasted 5 years and have had my own youth stolen from me

It is probably just a case that at my age I didn't expect to have to go out and meet new people and make new friends and I am quite a shy and quiet person so it ain't going to be easy

My basic plan is to spend the next 6 months working my ass off in the gym, lose all the weight I have put on since my Mum got sick and my girlfriend left (it seems I eat when I am stressed) and get myself in good shape. I am not much of a looker so if I am to stand any chance of attracting someone else I can't really be fat as well. I am going to try and go out more with the people at work and also there are meet ups of people on a discussion board I frequent so I am going to go along and try and make some new friends. I am also going to take up some form of sport a few evenings a week (There is a Muay Thai place down the road so that seems like what I will do) as I need to do something to fill my evenings

I am sorry this turned into such a rambling post but I don't have many friends and I guess I just needed to vent a little, like I said I am trying to move on with my life and I amn't looking to get into a serious relationship just yet but I guess it is a bit lonely living on my own and I miss having someone to curl up with at night