This is a big one, brace yourself.
I was cleaning out the car today, its been awhile.. Amongts the mess I found an old love letter from my Ex.
She would slip them in with the lunches she made for me to take to work. Life was wonderfull.
It was the first time this social phobe , this ogre felt loved. We would laugh till it hurt , we got along great.
But as work started to suck more than normal , my assignments changed. It was like being demoted, like my time and effort and been for nothing. I wasnt taking care of my diabeities very well either. One day, we meet at wally world , she's getting a new halloween costume for her little one then its off to cici's for lunch.
I had went to bed at 3am and her phone call woke me up, didnt work the night before but my sleeping was erratic and i did have to work that night. After lunch she wants to go to another place and then the park. I over ate, and the carbs from the pizza is doing a number on me. And I make one of the biggest mistake in my life and say that i've gotta go home and go to bed that wasnt feeling right. She complains that we dont spend alot of time together i chime in with an idiotic "espeacily naked time". Later on that night she calls me crying saying that what i had said made her feel like i just wanted her around for sex. she said I dont like being with her and the kids in public ( i'm a social phobe, and the 5yr old is loud and does not behave, tends to cause a scene every now and then) And I respond in the worst way. That I was offended that she thinks I would be that way. I had gone out of my way time and agian to help her, whether it be money or driving several hours to take her to court, after I had worked the night before for a child support case so that she didnt end up in jail and loose her other two kids. I woke up from a dead sleep just to puch her van a hundred yards or so to a gas station, then pay for the gas. I even bought a car i didnt need in case i needed to pick up the girls from day care ( my tracker didnt have a back seat) I would allways visit her before work, she lived right by it. After that day she allways seemed to have the girls with her, or was it before...my memory is kinda fuzzy on that. I tried my damndest to crawl back into her good graces.
I dressed up for halloween and trick o treating in the park ( i decided agianst covering myself in green paint)brought flowers and cards..
In november she tells me we should take a break, that were too busy to spend time together, her holiday hours make it so she comes home later . Thanksgiving was the last time i got to be with her in person, i gave going to get together with family to be with her, and i got less than an hour. I played with the girls in the back yard, chased them around,..they will allways remember me with a smile, if they remember at all. She was distant. She had replaced the pic of me on her phone with one of her and a guy from work. ( I knew about him, as she had told me stories about him as the nice guy from work, that i shouldnt worry he thinks of her as a sister....i'm a trusting soul) On dec 6th she finaly lets me know were over, says she needs to spend more time with the girls. I'm heart broken, i dont want it to be over but I dont have much choice in the matter. Jan rolls around, and i use a friends facebook to check on her, see how she's doing till then I still loved her.
That day I learn that she married another guy on dec 28....
Thats right less than a month after finaly letting me go. I get angry.. I dont even ask what I did wrong or why things went the way they did I act like a i dont care.
All i ask from her is the money she owes me, the xmas tree i loaned her so the girls could have a freakin tree, and my badge. She goes to lengths to make sure that 1 i dont know where she lives now and 2 she doesnt have to see me, dropping off my stuff while i'm sleeping and not even on the day she said she would.
But only half the money she owed me. She threatens to call the cops when I call about the money says i'm aharrasing her. I never once used vulgar or offensive language with the woman. I never even raised my voice, but now she acts like she's scared. The last things I end up saying to her are somthing like "its become clear to me now that I owe that man a beer" and the very last thing I said was Goodbye and good riddence
But every time i run across one of these damn notes my heart breaks again. I cant even get into my car without being reminded of her. I dont miss the person she became, i miss the person she was..
It took me 28 years to someone who was willing to give me a chance and I fucked it up.
If you made it this far, thank you. I needed to get this out
I was cleaning out the car today, its been awhile.. Amongts the mess I found an old love letter from my Ex.
She would slip them in with the lunches she made for me to take to work. Life was wonderfull.
It was the first time this social phobe , this ogre felt loved. We would laugh till it hurt , we got along great.
But as work started to suck more than normal , my assignments changed. It was like being demoted, like my time and effort and been for nothing. I wasnt taking care of my diabeities very well either. One day, we meet at wally world , she's getting a new halloween costume for her little one then its off to cici's for lunch.
I had went to bed at 3am and her phone call woke me up, didnt work the night before but my sleeping was erratic and i did have to work that night. After lunch she wants to go to another place and then the park. I over ate, and the carbs from the pizza is doing a number on me. And I make one of the biggest mistake in my life and say that i've gotta go home and go to bed that wasnt feeling right. She complains that we dont spend alot of time together i chime in with an idiotic "espeacily naked time". Later on that night she calls me crying saying that what i had said made her feel like i just wanted her around for sex. she said I dont like being with her and the kids in public ( i'm a social phobe, and the 5yr old is loud and does not behave, tends to cause a scene every now and then) And I respond in the worst way. That I was offended that she thinks I would be that way. I had gone out of my way time and agian to help her, whether it be money or driving several hours to take her to court, after I had worked the night before for a child support case so that she didnt end up in jail and loose her other two kids. I woke up from a dead sleep just to puch her van a hundred yards or so to a gas station, then pay for the gas. I even bought a car i didnt need in case i needed to pick up the girls from day care ( my tracker didnt have a back seat) I would allways visit her before work, she lived right by it. After that day she allways seemed to have the girls with her, or was it before...my memory is kinda fuzzy on that. I tried my damndest to crawl back into her good graces.
I dressed up for halloween and trick o treating in the park ( i decided agianst covering myself in green paint)brought flowers and cards..
In november she tells me we should take a break, that were too busy to spend time together, her holiday hours make it so she comes home later . Thanksgiving was the last time i got to be with her in person, i gave going to get together with family to be with her, and i got less than an hour. I played with the girls in the back yard, chased them around,..they will allways remember me with a smile, if they remember at all. She was distant. She had replaced the pic of me on her phone with one of her and a guy from work. ( I knew about him, as she had told me stories about him as the nice guy from work, that i shouldnt worry he thinks of her as a sister....i'm a trusting soul) On dec 6th she finaly lets me know were over, says she needs to spend more time with the girls. I'm heart broken, i dont want it to be over but I dont have much choice in the matter. Jan rolls around, and i use a friends facebook to check on her, see how she's doing till then I still loved her.
That day I learn that she married another guy on dec 28....
Thats right less than a month after finaly letting me go. I get angry.. I dont even ask what I did wrong or why things went the way they did I act like a i dont care.
All i ask from her is the money she owes me, the xmas tree i loaned her so the girls could have a freakin tree, and my badge. She goes to lengths to make sure that 1 i dont know where she lives now and 2 she doesnt have to see me, dropping off my stuff while i'm sleeping and not even on the day she said she would.
But only half the money she owed me. She threatens to call the cops when I call about the money says i'm aharrasing her. I never once used vulgar or offensive language with the woman. I never even raised my voice, but now she acts like she's scared. The last things I end up saying to her are somthing like "its become clear to me now that I owe that man a beer" and the very last thing I said was Goodbye and good riddence
But every time i run across one of these damn notes my heart breaks again. I cant even get into my car without being reminded of her. I dont miss the person she became, i miss the person she was..
It took me 28 years to someone who was willing to give me a chance and I fucked it up.
If you made it this far, thank you. I needed to get this out