The Art of Growing Up.
If you check my ID you will see that I am a full fledged adult.
If you look inside my brain, you might sometimes question this fact, hell sometimes even I do. Thats where I have been hung up lately. Thats what has caused me to think and compare.
Ahh, thinking, one of my greatest attributes and biggest detriments. Over thinking gets me into trouble, under thinking does the same, so how do I ever answer any questions? Thats something I often wonder, but as I have stated before, it just kind of seems to work out. I guess that is what growing up is, and as you get older, you realize that more and more.
When youre young, all the adults in your life are the voices of authority, so you learn to take their word for things, to follow their lead, to believe they have it together. Because of that, I have had this understanding in the back of my head that eventually you get to the point that you get it, that you know what to do, and that things make more sense. You know what? It doesnt, and it never will, but that is the true beauty of life.
There will always be things that make perfect and complete sense, but there will also be the things that knock us on our ass, the things that make us question our ability to be what we dreamed of being. I have come to the firm belief that this will never change, start to finish that is what it is. What changes is us. We make mistakes, we learn. We make decisions, we face the consequences. We succeed, we fail, we are!
I have had instances lately that make me wonder if I am where I am supposed to be, in regards to a lifes timeline that is. I have friends that are married, that have kids, that have set up careers, and that have made some forward motion that seems more evident than mine. My timeline has made a loop of sorts, and at times it feels like I am moving sideways more than I am moving forward. I am proud of my accomplishments in life. I am happy with where I sit monetarily. Although I have those positives in my life, I cant help but wonder, wonder about whether I should have something else.
I think the thing that sets it all apart is comparisons, and thats a tricky game to play. Sometimes I look at where my parents were at my age, where others are at a younger age, and I wonder about some of my decisions. I have never been one to rush into things, I think them through, I play them out, and then I act accordingly. This can be useful, and it can make you miss out on things. I also kind of just lied to you there, I have made decisions with less thought to them, simply because they were a step B of sorts.
What do I mean by that? Well, lets look at college, I knew I wanted to go and I had the idea of what I wanted to get out of it, but I didnt really think about where I wanted to go. Certain events in my life basically made my decisions easy for me, and didnt really require that much deep though on my part. Perhaps it should have, but I think the right things happened with those decisions, and so I am happy I made them. On the flip side, there are decisions in my life that I didnt make, at the time I lamented them, but now I see I did the right thing. (Usually anyways, I cant win em all)
You can see why I would question if I am doing what I should have done by this point, you can see why I wonder if there are check marks that my lifes list is missing, you can see how I go back and forth on things. I sat with these wonderings in my head and they stymied me for a bit there, but then I had an aha moment of sorts that led me to realize that I am just where I am supposed to be. I talked to people to get knowledge and information, and I found that I shouldnt worry about it. I flashed back to my 6th grade teacher telling me, at her sons wedding, that she knew I would go on with my education and that I would take my time with it.
The main thing I took out of all these things is that I am Matt Sadorf, and hes a pretty damn good person to be. I am a person that gets things done at his pace, and thats fine because I get them done. I am a person that moves forward at his pace, a pace that maybe isnt as quick paced as others, but is every bit as important and successful.
No one hands you the answers when you hit a certain age, you learn as you go, or at least you should. You gotta live, you have to make mistakes, you have to just be, and you have to learn from all of that. There are going to be hurdles, and there are going to be snares, but you learn to recognize them as you grow, and you learn how to deal with them as you age. You get a sense for the world as you stay attached to its spinning orb.
One of the cool things about growing up is that you get to act like a kid sometimes, but you know enough to not live like that. Some night you might decide to just have cookies for supper, you might decide that a new video game is more important than a few really good meals, you get to be nostalgic and buy overpriced things attached to your inner childs memories. These are things you get to do because you can, but at the same time you register them differently in your mind than you did as a child, and thats another part of growing up. As a child you dream of doing these things, of having these things simply because they are what you must have at that moment in time, no outside context other than its what you want and you must have it. As an adult these things are a reprieve from the stresses of the everyday world, they are a moment for you to relax and glom onto something you once had.
Growing up is hard, especially when youre worried that you dont know what you should, or that youre not where youre supposed to be, but growing up is realizing the need to take a step back and see these things for what they are. If you can take that step back and make sense of things, or at least see a path forward, well, youve grown up and youre going to be okay. Live and learn, make mistakes and learn, trip yourself up and learn, learn and learn thats all you have to do to master the art of growing uplearn a little as you go.
Simple isnt it?
If you check my ID you will see that I am a full fledged adult.
If you look inside my brain, you might sometimes question this fact, hell sometimes even I do. Thats where I have been hung up lately. Thats what has caused me to think and compare.
Ahh, thinking, one of my greatest attributes and biggest detriments. Over thinking gets me into trouble, under thinking does the same, so how do I ever answer any questions? Thats something I often wonder, but as I have stated before, it just kind of seems to work out. I guess that is what growing up is, and as you get older, you realize that more and more.
When youre young, all the adults in your life are the voices of authority, so you learn to take their word for things, to follow their lead, to believe they have it together. Because of that, I have had this understanding in the back of my head that eventually you get to the point that you get it, that you know what to do, and that things make more sense. You know what? It doesnt, and it never will, but that is the true beauty of life.
There will always be things that make perfect and complete sense, but there will also be the things that knock us on our ass, the things that make us question our ability to be what we dreamed of being. I have come to the firm belief that this will never change, start to finish that is what it is. What changes is us. We make mistakes, we learn. We make decisions, we face the consequences. We succeed, we fail, we are!
I have had instances lately that make me wonder if I am where I am supposed to be, in regards to a lifes timeline that is. I have friends that are married, that have kids, that have set up careers, and that have made some forward motion that seems more evident than mine. My timeline has made a loop of sorts, and at times it feels like I am moving sideways more than I am moving forward. I am proud of my accomplishments in life. I am happy with where I sit monetarily. Although I have those positives in my life, I cant help but wonder, wonder about whether I should have something else.
I think the thing that sets it all apart is comparisons, and thats a tricky game to play. Sometimes I look at where my parents were at my age, where others are at a younger age, and I wonder about some of my decisions. I have never been one to rush into things, I think them through, I play them out, and then I act accordingly. This can be useful, and it can make you miss out on things. I also kind of just lied to you there, I have made decisions with less thought to them, simply because they were a step B of sorts.
What do I mean by that? Well, lets look at college, I knew I wanted to go and I had the idea of what I wanted to get out of it, but I didnt really think about where I wanted to go. Certain events in my life basically made my decisions easy for me, and didnt really require that much deep though on my part. Perhaps it should have, but I think the right things happened with those decisions, and so I am happy I made them. On the flip side, there are decisions in my life that I didnt make, at the time I lamented them, but now I see I did the right thing. (Usually anyways, I cant win em all)
You can see why I would question if I am doing what I should have done by this point, you can see why I wonder if there are check marks that my lifes list is missing, you can see how I go back and forth on things. I sat with these wonderings in my head and they stymied me for a bit there, but then I had an aha moment of sorts that led me to realize that I am just where I am supposed to be. I talked to people to get knowledge and information, and I found that I shouldnt worry about it. I flashed back to my 6th grade teacher telling me, at her sons wedding, that she knew I would go on with my education and that I would take my time with it.
The main thing I took out of all these things is that I am Matt Sadorf, and hes a pretty damn good person to be. I am a person that gets things done at his pace, and thats fine because I get them done. I am a person that moves forward at his pace, a pace that maybe isnt as quick paced as others, but is every bit as important and successful.
No one hands you the answers when you hit a certain age, you learn as you go, or at least you should. You gotta live, you have to make mistakes, you have to just be, and you have to learn from all of that. There are going to be hurdles, and there are going to be snares, but you learn to recognize them as you grow, and you learn how to deal with them as you age. You get a sense for the world as you stay attached to its spinning orb.
One of the cool things about growing up is that you get to act like a kid sometimes, but you know enough to not live like that. Some night you might decide to just have cookies for supper, you might decide that a new video game is more important than a few really good meals, you get to be nostalgic and buy overpriced things attached to your inner childs memories. These are things you get to do because you can, but at the same time you register them differently in your mind than you did as a child, and thats another part of growing up. As a child you dream of doing these things, of having these things simply because they are what you must have at that moment in time, no outside context other than its what you want and you must have it. As an adult these things are a reprieve from the stresses of the everyday world, they are a moment for you to relax and glom onto something you once had.
Growing up is hard, especially when youre worried that you dont know what you should, or that youre not where youre supposed to be, but growing up is realizing the need to take a step back and see these things for what they are. If you can take that step back and make sense of things, or at least see a path forward, well, youve grown up and youre going to be okay. Live and learn, make mistakes and learn, trip yourself up and learn, learn and learn thats all you have to do to master the art of growing uplearn a little as you go.
Simple isnt it?
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
melx:
Most of the time I just feel like I do a halfway decent job of faking it. 
billieprudence:
