the_matt79

A Look Inside My Madness

So I read a friends blog today, one where she discusses dating woes, and what it takes to be considered by her. Its a damn good blog, entertaining and informative and it can be found over yonder.

http://alkalinesg.tumblr.com/post/16075762410/dating-struggles

Now I read that and seeing as how it ends by asking the reader for their criteria/deal breakers, I thought why not, why not sit down and think on this. I wasnt sure how to start it, so that is why you have the introduction you do. Much like hers, mine will probably meander a bit, but unlike hers, mine wont reference beautiful penisesjust not my thing. If its your thing, then check out her blog, but I hope its something we can work past and you will take a trip with me.

So, dating, yeah, not something I do that often, and it is for a myriad of reasons and excuses that I dont. I live in a small town that I do not want to have ties to other than family at this point. The women my age are taken or have way to much baggage. I live at home because of school loans, the economy, and the cost of housing in this area. I work afternoons so when would I actually date someone? These are all things that I use for stock answers, and they are probably 80% true give or take.

You see, I have never been all that good at randomly starting things. The majority of women that I have dated or had experiences with, have been ones I knew for various periods of time before hand. I am an over thinker, someone that has to know what he feels before he decides on something, which actually doesnt work that well with dating itself. That is something I would like to work on as I have grown to realize that, oh yeah, dating is how you get to know people outside of your comfort zone. See, it was school, or work that lead me to the women I met and dated, but I am no longer in school, and I work in a 98% male work place so thats not really happening.

I see big change in my future, be that job, area, and just the way I live in general, I can see it, and I want to implement it. (Told ya I was going to go over all kinds of things)

I am happy as a single person. I am one that can do just fine in solitude, I have books, magazines, comics, movies, TV shows, video games, and my own writing that I do not mind throwing myself into, interpreting, and seeing the brilliance of. I am a night owl that does well sleeping at random times. I work 3-11s, so I usually go to sleep between 3 and 5am and wake up between 9 and noon. I like being able to spend money on whatever random thing I feel like. I like having the freedom to just go somewhere or do something and only having to worry about one schedule. I am fine as a single person, but I like being relationship Matt as well.

There is something about being there for someone, having someone to talk to about whatever, someone to touch and hold, someone to just take up space with you in perfect comfort. On the flip side of that, there is something about having someone that will challenge you, that will push you, that will help you see where you should be going in life. Arguments, frustrations, and irritations exist in this world, and there is even something about them that makes a relationship great in its own way.

Now obviously if those things are overwhelming, well, you learn from them and you move on. I do not ever plan on staying in a situation that has me settling, and she shouldnt want me to, nor should she want to either.

You want to know a secret about me? Im lonely, I dont admit it often, but I am. I deal with it really well though, so dont feel bad for me, its just one aspect of me. I have a great family and good friends and that will always help, and if I lived closer to some of them, it might help even more, but I dont rely on that because I have always know that I am here to do something great, and to be happy in my world. These are the thoughts that allow me to deal with this so easily, and these are the thoughts that I know are true.

Oh yeah, I was going to get to a criteria or something wasnt I, well this will be a learning experience for me too, so bear with me.

-Be intelligentthats a big one for me. It has nothing to do with education, because I know many people that are extremely intelligent that do not have college degrees. School isnt for everyone, but intelligence is something that is for me.

-Love dogsI am a dog person, always have been, and always will be. They are one of the animals on this planet that I am not as allergic too, and they are one of the most wonderful animals you will ever share your life with. So I am going to have at least one dog at any given time, you dont like that, then go now.

-Be compassionatecare about others, care about the world, care about the school system, just care about something other than yourself. Obviously I expect you to care about yourself, but I want a woman that will do things to help others, that votes for people that will help others, that knows there is more to this world than just my and her well being.

-Be passionate about somethinghave something you love so much that you get excited about it when you talk about it, something that makes your eyes light up in a way that will melt me every time I see it. (this has happened so dont think me crazy) It doesnt even have to be something I like, because chances are you wont like some things I do, so I hope to hell you will think it cute when I get all excited about it, just like I will when you do.

-Be a person that likes random outbreaks of facial expressions, dances, or song. It doesnt happen all that often, but it does happen, so you should probably like it, and dont worry, I wont embarrass you in a big fancy dinner atmosphere with it, but a bar-b-cue with friends, well that might be a bit different.

-Push me to do thingsI know that sounds weird but roll with me on it. I get stuck in my ways sometimes and get mildly resistant to doing new things, or even old things, even if I want to. Its the damnedest thing, but I do it, so sometimes push me. Not all the time dammit, that would get old, and I wont do this all the time either, but sometimes I am going to need a little extra prodding, so dont look down on me for that.

-Make me engage in conversationI am an open book, and I will talk your ear off, but sometimes I will get frustrated with something that has happened or you did and I will clam up. Its something I am better at, but its something I do, and when I get forced to address it everyone feels better and it is usually easily resolved, but I get that bullheadedness going and I clam up.

-Watch things with me.TV, Movies, whatever. Ill put up with ones for you if you put up with ones for me. Also, please dont talk through them, dont ask me questions through them, because odds are that I am gonna get irked if I miss something while explaining something to you. This is why I love DVRs and DVDs, we can rewind if we want, we can pausebut alas it does not work at the theater so thats where we will have to practice concentration.

-Trust what I sayIf you ask me about something, I will tell you. If you want to know how I feel about something, ask me. Once you have asked me, trust me. I dont speak in half truths, I dont try to subtly tell you something while saying something else. I mean what I say, and I say what I meandone and done. It is really truly that easy. It just is.

-Make your signals obviousI suck at signal reading. I dont know if it is a Catholic upbringing, wanting to be a gentleman, or just plain overthinking, but I suck at this. I once saw a show where a guy told a girl that he had to be hit in the face and shown a sign to pick up on stuff, this is kinda how I am. So work with me if you want me to do stuff.

-Tell me what you thinkI am a big boy, I can handle it. If something pisses you off, tell me. If something is on your mind, tell me. If something puzzles you, tell me. I will engage you in conversation, but if you hold back then I wont know everything, and I will not like it if later you get mad at me for not knowing. I will put forth an effort, join me wont you.

-Be okay to beWhat I mean by this is that sometimes you will probably find me sitting somewhere, maybe Im writing, maybe Im reading, maybe I am just sitting, at that point if you want to be near me then you best be okay to be. Just be in that moment however it is, no need to talk, no need to touch (although that is fine too), just be. There are so many great things that can be experienced if you sit back and just be.

-Be okay with a sports fanhell be one yourself. I have a few teams that I love, and I dont use that word facetiously, I love them. I love watching them, and I get emotionally caught up in their performance. Tough losses will result in emotion, as will big wins. Be okay with me going through those emotional roller coasters a few months here and there.

So um yeah, that is probably a good place to step back for now. There are probably a few more things kicking around in my head, but those are what chose to make their way out through my typing, so those are the ones you get to read at this point in time.

I dont think they are to much to ask of a potential love interest, and really I dont care if they are. I never said in the preceding that I was looking for perfection, but I wont settle for good enough. I dont care how old I get, I will not settle, and so I will hold tight to these criteria.

Knowing what you want, and learning how that fits into your life is what this trip is all about, if you cant own up to it, then you are doing yourself and your potential mate a disservice, so yeah, Im going to hold onto these, and keep looking.