So, recent events have me thinking a lot, when don't they with me though?
This one is different because it has a romantic twist, an emotional involvement that isn't there with my normal sit and thinks. This one I can partially beat myself up over, and have off and on since Monday.
It is still fresh, so it still makes me think.
A long distance correspondence that evolved over time... that turned into something much more...that could have commenced into something wonderful. It was not meant to be, mis-communications and conclusions being jumped to ultimately lead to the romantic portion to be taken off the table.
Platonic is the town this relationship now resides within, and that's fine, she is too damn fantastic to not keep up a correspondence with. Every so often the romantic ideas pop into my head, and the knowledge that they will not happen hits me in the pit of my stomach and I sadden, but it moves on.
I know that I will get past this and I do not fear that, the fact that we are cool makes it more apparent that I will be just fine in the long run, and so I do not worry. This ending carries with it the usual type of sadness, but it is not as heavy because it isn't an ultimate ending, it is more of an evolution.
Our relationship moved forward in bits and pieces, talks, then flirtations, then escalated flirtations, and then a planned meeting that ultimately will not happen for some time and will not have the undertone of lust and love.
Yes I love this girl. I know how to love people of the opposite sex without having to have that sexual undertone. When you meet someone amazing, you can love them and keep them in your life even if one part of your relationship soured before it could flourish.
So what have I been thinking about?
I have been thinking, which is worse, the loss of a possibility, or the loss of an established relationship?
I wonder because with an established relationship you know what you're losing, you know what has happened, you have become accustomed to them being there, you've shared time together, you've done all these things and more, but now you are on your own. That sudden loneliness can be brutal, you sit there and wonder about what has happened to get you to your current state in life. If you were broken up with, you wonder what you could have done differently or you get bitter about it all. If you broke up with the person you might wonder how you dealt with them, you might decide to reestablish yourself, but you still feel a loss.
Rough, right?
Well the loss of a possibility can be devastating as well. With this case you have become excited, you have started to imagine how it will be, you dream of what you will do together, and bits and pieces of a possible future fall into place as you move forward. The thoughts roll around in your head, you smile when you hear from them, and you put more things into place and get more excited about what will happen. Then a mistake is made, or multiple mistakes are made, something becomes difficult and a decision is made to not go through with it after all.
Suddenly the possibility is gone, your relationship is not going to go through that metamorphosis, so now what do you do? Suddenly you're face to face with what your imagination came up with. You have to look at what you wanted and know it will not be happening...the possibility has disappeared. What has changed, seemingly nothing, but yet so much.
You'll never know if it would have been as good as what you imagined, and that's what kills you here. You have something to go on as far as why it didn't begin, but you do not know how it would have gone had it begun, and you never will.
One might argue that it hurts less to lose something you never had, and I can agree with this on principle, but what if you have a fantastic imagination?
What if you came up with the most amazing scenarios ever and are now lamenting the loss of these?
What if you were so sure of it's success, that it's premature failure has you in a daze?
See with a possibility you may have glossed over any faults you saw, you may have ignored things that would make you question in another scenario, you might have built something up so high that it's only option was to fall, and if you had done these things, well you probably put undue pressure on the possibility and perhaps helped usher in it's demise.
With the loss of a possibility, you will never know, but you will always wonder.
It might not have been meant to be, but you meant for it to occur, and therein lies the rub.
So...
Which is worse?
This one is different because it has a romantic twist, an emotional involvement that isn't there with my normal sit and thinks. This one I can partially beat myself up over, and have off and on since Monday.
It is still fresh, so it still makes me think.
A long distance correspondence that evolved over time... that turned into something much more...that could have commenced into something wonderful. It was not meant to be, mis-communications and conclusions being jumped to ultimately lead to the romantic portion to be taken off the table.
Platonic is the town this relationship now resides within, and that's fine, she is too damn fantastic to not keep up a correspondence with. Every so often the romantic ideas pop into my head, and the knowledge that they will not happen hits me in the pit of my stomach and I sadden, but it moves on.
I know that I will get past this and I do not fear that, the fact that we are cool makes it more apparent that I will be just fine in the long run, and so I do not worry. This ending carries with it the usual type of sadness, but it is not as heavy because it isn't an ultimate ending, it is more of an evolution.
Our relationship moved forward in bits and pieces, talks, then flirtations, then escalated flirtations, and then a planned meeting that ultimately will not happen for some time and will not have the undertone of lust and love.
Yes I love this girl. I know how to love people of the opposite sex without having to have that sexual undertone. When you meet someone amazing, you can love them and keep them in your life even if one part of your relationship soured before it could flourish.
So what have I been thinking about?
I have been thinking, which is worse, the loss of a possibility, or the loss of an established relationship?
I wonder because with an established relationship you know what you're losing, you know what has happened, you have become accustomed to them being there, you've shared time together, you've done all these things and more, but now you are on your own. That sudden loneliness can be brutal, you sit there and wonder about what has happened to get you to your current state in life. If you were broken up with, you wonder what you could have done differently or you get bitter about it all. If you broke up with the person you might wonder how you dealt with them, you might decide to reestablish yourself, but you still feel a loss.
Rough, right?
Well the loss of a possibility can be devastating as well. With this case you have become excited, you have started to imagine how it will be, you dream of what you will do together, and bits and pieces of a possible future fall into place as you move forward. The thoughts roll around in your head, you smile when you hear from them, and you put more things into place and get more excited about what will happen. Then a mistake is made, or multiple mistakes are made, something becomes difficult and a decision is made to not go through with it after all.
Suddenly the possibility is gone, your relationship is not going to go through that metamorphosis, so now what do you do? Suddenly you're face to face with what your imagination came up with. You have to look at what you wanted and know it will not be happening...the possibility has disappeared. What has changed, seemingly nothing, but yet so much.
You'll never know if it would have been as good as what you imagined, and that's what kills you here. You have something to go on as far as why it didn't begin, but you do not know how it would have gone had it begun, and you never will.
One might argue that it hurts less to lose something you never had, and I can agree with this on principle, but what if you have a fantastic imagination?
What if you came up with the most amazing scenarios ever and are now lamenting the loss of these?
What if you were so sure of it's success, that it's premature failure has you in a daze?
See with a possibility you may have glossed over any faults you saw, you may have ignored things that would make you question in another scenario, you might have built something up so high that it's only option was to fall, and if you had done these things, well you probably put undue pressure on the possibility and perhaps helped usher in it's demise.
With the loss of a possibility, you will never know, but you will always wonder.
It might not have been meant to be, but you meant for it to occur, and therein lies the rub.
So...
Which is worse?
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I had no idea they were making a new Sherlock Holmes movie, now I am intrigued!