"Hello, Orange Broadband technical support, Sanjay speaking, how can I help?"
"Would you like my home phone number?"
"Oh, er... Yes please."
"01392******"
"Er.... Sorry, I can't find anything on that number, could I have it again please?"
"01392******"
"Are you sure that 's the right number? I'm still not seeing an account."
"01392******"
"Oh, right, OK. Please give me a minute to bring up the account details"
"OK"
"And can I have your name please?"
"Yes, it's Mark Pierce, I'm not the account holder, but I am authorised to act on his behalf"
"And for security purposes could I have the second and fourth letter of your password"
"Yadda, yadda"
"I have now been without the internet for [One/Two/Three/Four/Five/Six] weeks. I have been calkling three times a week since it went down because each time I'm told that it will be up and running in 48 hours. All these claims have been lies. Why would someone do that?"
"Ah... Er... OK... Er... Can I ask, what is the status of the @ light on your modem"
"It is exactly the same as it has been for some time, it is flashing slowly, about once a second"
Oh right, this means that..."
"I know, this means that it is receiving signals from the exchange, but that something is preventing a proper signal from getting through. I've been told this before"
"Oh. OK. I'm going to ask you to perform a factory reset of your livebox"
"Where I unplug it, press the 1 button, and then plug the cables in when the light stops flashing?"
"Yes, that's right"
"I've just done it"
"Right, can you open internet explorer on one of the computers connected to the livebox?"
"Do you want me to clear the address bar and type in 192.168.1.1?"
"Oh... Er... yes please."
"Done, the current status is 'PPP server down', just as it's always been since it stopped working"
"Right, can you..."
"Put the username and password in?"
"Yes, the username is..."
"I know, and I've clicked on 'Myservices' and 'Internet'"
"OK..."
"The status on this screen is also 'PPP Server down', and I've put the username and password in on this screen too. Would you like me to click on 'Validate'?"
"Oh, yes please, and then wait for the screen to refresh"
"Right, it's refreshed and the status is 'Connecting'... and now it's refreshed again."
"And what's the status now?"
"PPP server down"
"Oh. Well this means..."
"That there is a problem at the exchange? I know this, I was told this last time"
"Well, what I'm going to do is..."
"Please don't tell me that you're going to put this through to the escalations team to request a line test. I've had [Two/Three/Four/Five] of those done already."
"Well, looking at your notes, it says that they got in touch with you last week to say that they thought they had fixed it."
"That's interesting, because no one has contacted either me or the account holder and as you can see, it's still not working"
"Really? It says that they sent you an SMS to inform you"
"It can say whatever it likes. No one informed me, and it's still clearly not working, or I wouldn't be calling now would I?"
"Right... Can you just hold for a moment while I get in touch with the team to find out what's going on?"
*Possibly music, although it's hard to tell for all the interference, (it sounds more like the phone is in some form of hurricane or wind tunnel) comes from the earpiece*
"Right, thanks for holding, what I'm going to have to do is get this to the escalations team for a line check, can you leave your livebox switched on and plugged in for the next 48 hours, and they'll contact you when they have fixed it"
"*Sigh*, will they contact me if they can't fix it in 24 - 48 hours to let me know how long they think it might be?, I've asked that on previous occasions and no one has got back to me."
"Yes they will."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I've added it to your notes"
"What, like last time?"
"Er..."
"Forget it, so someone will get in touch with me in 24 - 48 hours then?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe you, but OK then"
"OK, well thanks for calling orange, is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No, I wouldn't want to think I was putting you out or anything"
"Ok, goodbye"
"You suck"
*Click*
"Would you like my home phone number?"
"Oh, er... Yes please."
"01392******"
"Er.... Sorry, I can't find anything on that number, could I have it again please?"
"01392******"
"Are you sure that 's the right number? I'm still not seeing an account."
"01392******"
"Oh, right, OK. Please give me a minute to bring up the account details"
"OK"
"And can I have your name please?"
"Yes, it's Mark Pierce, I'm not the account holder, but I am authorised to act on his behalf"
"And for security purposes could I have the second and fourth letter of your password"
"Yadda, yadda"
"I have now been without the internet for [One/Two/Three/Four/Five/Six] weeks. I have been calkling three times a week since it went down because each time I'm told that it will be up and running in 48 hours. All these claims have been lies. Why would someone do that?"
"Ah... Er... OK... Er... Can I ask, what is the status of the @ light on your modem"
"It is exactly the same as it has been for some time, it is flashing slowly, about once a second"
Oh right, this means that..."
"I know, this means that it is receiving signals from the exchange, but that something is preventing a proper signal from getting through. I've been told this before"
"Oh. OK. I'm going to ask you to perform a factory reset of your livebox"
"Where I unplug it, press the 1 button, and then plug the cables in when the light stops flashing?"
"Yes, that's right"
"I've just done it"
"Right, can you open internet explorer on one of the computers connected to the livebox?"
"Do you want me to clear the address bar and type in 192.168.1.1?"
"Oh... Er... yes please."
"Done, the current status is 'PPP server down', just as it's always been since it stopped working"
"Right, can you..."
"Put the username and password in?"
"Yes, the username is..."
"I know, and I've clicked on 'Myservices' and 'Internet'"
"OK..."
"The status on this screen is also 'PPP Server down', and I've put the username and password in on this screen too. Would you like me to click on 'Validate'?"
"Oh, yes please, and then wait for the screen to refresh"
"Right, it's refreshed and the status is 'Connecting'... and now it's refreshed again."
"And what's the status now?"
"PPP server down"
"Oh. Well this means..."
"That there is a problem at the exchange? I know this, I was told this last time"
"Well, what I'm going to do is..."
"Please don't tell me that you're going to put this through to the escalations team to request a line test. I've had [Two/Three/Four/Five] of those done already."
"Well, looking at your notes, it says that they got in touch with you last week to say that they thought they had fixed it."
"That's interesting, because no one has contacted either me or the account holder and as you can see, it's still not working"
"Really? It says that they sent you an SMS to inform you"
"It can say whatever it likes. No one informed me, and it's still clearly not working, or I wouldn't be calling now would I?"
"Right... Can you just hold for a moment while I get in touch with the team to find out what's going on?"
*Possibly music, although it's hard to tell for all the interference, (it sounds more like the phone is in some form of hurricane or wind tunnel) comes from the earpiece*
"Right, thanks for holding, what I'm going to have to do is get this to the escalations team for a line check, can you leave your livebox switched on and plugged in for the next 48 hours, and they'll contact you when they have fixed it"
"*Sigh*, will they contact me if they can't fix it in 24 - 48 hours to let me know how long they think it might be?, I've asked that on previous occasions and no one has got back to me."
"Yes they will."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I've added it to your notes"
"What, like last time?"
"Er..."
"Forget it, so someone will get in touch with me in 24 - 48 hours then?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe you, but OK then"
"OK, well thanks for calling orange, is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No, I wouldn't want to think I was putting you out or anything"
"Ok, goodbye"
"You suck"
*Click*
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
conroy:
Next time they ask if there anything else they can help with, ask for a Migration Authorisation Code, and then get your broadband from a more professional outfit, or at least threaten to.
mark_plus_beer:
my lanyard is better then your lanyard 