I'm crap, I know. Very crap. It's been bloody ages since I was hear last, and I left that delightfully vague journal entry. So yes. Sorry. Really, I am.
So, things have gone on. Or, to be honest, they haven't really. I've been in one of those 'grey' moods, neither one way or the other if you know what I mean. I've meant to post something and say hey and let you know that I'm still alive, and I've just sat staring at a keyboard with nothing in the world to say. I've not been particularly good company recently as my housemates I'm sure will testify. I've been pretty tetchy, and getting massively defensive at the least thing. I've also been pretty unpleasant to someone that really doesn't deserve it, I'm not proud of it, and it does sometimes surprise even me at how much of a cunt I can be when I want to be. The stupid thing is that I can see that I'm doing it, and I just do it anyway. Not, mind you, to be deliberately unpleasant to someone else, I know exactly why I do it, it's so I I can just keep my self loathing going at it's full volume. I've really got to get a hang of that, it's fucking dumb.
Well, there's been nothing going on, and all I was doing was avoiding going to work, listlessly applying for every job that the internet had to offer, which in itself was getting me down: This year, I've gone pretty mad with the job thing, it's been getting so desperate to get out of this one that I've been applying for anything that I might even remotely be able to do. In my email sent items folder are 114 items, all of them a CV and covering letter, I have had no replies.
Not one.
Since April.
That has been... Frustrating to say the least. I don't know what the hell to think of that, It's got me wondering if my email account actually works, but I receive about 14 job site emails a day, and it's web based, so I can't see that being the reason. So I was feeling a bit shitty about that - I got to the point where I was thinking of just jacking in my job and getting a job in Virgin and working in a bar at night to make ends meet. But... On Friday I get a phone call from HR at work, I have an interview for the job that has been 'on the cards' (Or at least according to my boss) for two years. It's on Monday. Fuck. I have to prepare a 15 minute presentation and get to Maidstone on Monday morning. Maidstone is a very long way away. I also have the delight of another journey to bloody Blackburn and back on Thursday and Friday, so I guess that'll be another weekend on the road, and it's even more frustrating because I could use the weekend to visit some friends, but a) I have no money (I mean really, none. I can't see how I can afford to eat for the rest of the week.) and b) The people in the places that I'd ideally like to stay in have all made plans for the weekend, most of which seem to involve not being at home and having a sofa for me to crash on. Which is fair enough really, I just wish HR would have given me a little more notice, but at least the boss has said that I can stay in a hotel the night before at the company's expense. So I'll at least have an opportunity to milk the company for all it's worth should all other avenues fail. I'm not thinking beyond the interview at the moment, because that fills me with some trepidation at the stuff I'll have to deal with afterwards.
I'm also quite pleased to say that I've managed to get out of any family entanglements over Christmas, or at least as far as it seems. There will be horror shortly afterwards with a trip to a panto with all of the younger members of the family, but I accept that's the price I've gotta pay.
Oh, by the way, if there are any Doctor Alan Statham from Green wing fans out there and you have half an hour spare and Realplayer, please listen to The Eliza Stories It's very, very good.
So, things have gone on. Or, to be honest, they haven't really. I've been in one of those 'grey' moods, neither one way or the other if you know what I mean. I've meant to post something and say hey and let you know that I'm still alive, and I've just sat staring at a keyboard with nothing in the world to say. I've not been particularly good company recently as my housemates I'm sure will testify. I've been pretty tetchy, and getting massively defensive at the least thing. I've also been pretty unpleasant to someone that really doesn't deserve it, I'm not proud of it, and it does sometimes surprise even me at how much of a cunt I can be when I want to be. The stupid thing is that I can see that I'm doing it, and I just do it anyway. Not, mind you, to be deliberately unpleasant to someone else, I know exactly why I do it, it's so I I can just keep my self loathing going at it's full volume. I've really got to get a hang of that, it's fucking dumb.
Well, there's been nothing going on, and all I was doing was avoiding going to work, listlessly applying for every job that the internet had to offer, which in itself was getting me down: This year, I've gone pretty mad with the job thing, it's been getting so desperate to get out of this one that I've been applying for anything that I might even remotely be able to do. In my email sent items folder are 114 items, all of them a CV and covering letter, I have had no replies.
Not one.
Since April.
That has been... Frustrating to say the least. I don't know what the hell to think of that, It's got me wondering if my email account actually works, but I receive about 14 job site emails a day, and it's web based, so I can't see that being the reason. So I was feeling a bit shitty about that - I got to the point where I was thinking of just jacking in my job and getting a job in Virgin and working in a bar at night to make ends meet. But... On Friday I get a phone call from HR at work, I have an interview for the job that has been 'on the cards' (Or at least according to my boss) for two years. It's on Monday. Fuck. I have to prepare a 15 minute presentation and get to Maidstone on Monday morning. Maidstone is a very long way away. I also have the delight of another journey to bloody Blackburn and back on Thursday and Friday, so I guess that'll be another weekend on the road, and it's even more frustrating because I could use the weekend to visit some friends, but a) I have no money (I mean really, none. I can't see how I can afford to eat for the rest of the week.) and b) The people in the places that I'd ideally like to stay in have all made plans for the weekend, most of which seem to involve not being at home and having a sofa for me to crash on. Which is fair enough really, I just wish HR would have given me a little more notice, but at least the boss has said that I can stay in a hotel the night before at the company's expense. So I'll at least have an opportunity to milk the company for all it's worth should all other avenues fail. I'm not thinking beyond the interview at the moment, because that fills me with some trepidation at the stuff I'll have to deal with afterwards.
I'm also quite pleased to say that I've managed to get out of any family entanglements over Christmas, or at least as far as it seems. There will be horror shortly afterwards with a trip to a panto with all of the younger members of the family, but I accept that's the price I've gotta pay.
Oh, by the way, if there are any Doctor Alan Statham from Green wing fans out there and you have half an hour spare and Realplayer, please listen to The Eliza Stories It's very, very good.
VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
*Points and laughs*