Nere Imani Kujujakaleer
Here's to the best words in the right place at the perfect times of the human mind blown up and refined
to long conversations and the philosophical ramifications of a beautiful day
To the 12 steppers at the 13th step may they never forget, the first step
to the increase to the decrease
to the do to the do to the did to the did
to the do to the did to the done done
to the lonely to the broken hearted
to the new blue haiku
here's to all or nothing at all
here's to the sick and the shut in
here's to the was you been to the is you in
to was deep and deep to was down and down
to the lost and the blind and the almost found
to the crazy the lazy the bored the ignored the beginners the sinners the losers the winners
to the smooth and the cool and even to the fools
here's to your ex-best friend
to the rule benders and the repeat offenders
to the lovers and the troublers the engaging the enraging
to the healers and the feelers and the fixers and the tricksters
to a star, falling through a dream
to a dream when you know what it means
to the bottom to the root to the base, uh boom!
to the drum
here's to the was you been to the is you in
to was deep and deep to was down and down
to the lost and the blind and the almost found
here's to somebody within the sound of your voice this morning
here's to somebody who can't be within the sound of your voice tonight
to a low cholesterol pig sandwich smothered in swine without the pork
to a light buzz in your head and a soundtrack in your mind going on and on and on and on and on
like a good time
here's to promises that break by themselves, here's to the breaks with great promise
to people who don't wait in the car when you tell them to wait in the car
here's to what you forgot and who you forgot, here's to the unforgettable
here's to the was you been to the is you in
to was deep and deep to was down and down
to the lost and the blind and the almost found
here's to the hip-hoppers the don't stoppers heads noddin in the digital glow of their beloved studios
to the incredible indelible impressions made by the gazes you gaze in the faces of strangers
to yourself you ask
could this be god straight up? or is it a mask?
here's to the tribe of the hyper cyber trippin at the virtual-most outpost
at the edge on the tip believing that what they hear is the mothership drawing near
here's to the was you been to the is you in
to was deep and deep to was down and down
to the lost and the blind and the almost found
--- Sekou Sundiata, Shout Out
right?
no peace without
i'm happy to have a forum to vent and that it isn't misdirected... sure sometimes misinterpreted, but such is the nature of communication.
i really appreciate the pep, mister. really really.
a little elaboration:
it IS hard going home and the initial transition, as you can obviously relate, was difficult. my mother and i have had an awkward relationship my entire life because i feel like i am the acceptable accident - details perhaps at another time. but i think that everyone's relationship with their parents is as unique as our relationships with other people can be.
but i love my mother too, there are many aspects of her character that i admire and aspire to portray. there are also lessons i've learned from her regarding how NOT to behave, but i must trust that she's always done the best she could as a human being.
at this point in our relationship, that's the battle she and i are fighting - that i will do the best i can and she cannot live my life for me. of course they want what they think is best for us, of course they want to save us mistakes similar to ones they made or witnessed (and you know, sometimes i wish i could learn from other peoples' mistakes, as well.) she likes not to worry and i think i'm having a difficult time understanding why she is so much more worried while i'm in close proximity to her as opposed to what she exhibited when i was living on my own.
but again, as i said, my appreciation for the gesture she's made, welcoming me back into the nest while i alleviate some of the baggage i have before flying away again, is overwhelming and certainly outweighs any of the annoyance i experience from our miniscule amount of conflict.
i mentioned that i'd read the anecdote you sent me before - the metaphorical dealio
sometimes so many little things are overwhelming, though... you know. think about how it felt with the sand compressed around the golf balls
i think that a person's character is accentuated in adversity.
and i'm okay, you know. i just wanted to close the door for a minute and collect myself. when i feel overwhelmed, i don't want to waste myself on other people.
it's not the strongest personality trait i possess, the reclusive nature when under pressure, but it's the way i deal - i focus on the jar itself.
i certainly accept that i don't belong necessarily in one place, doing one thing - i am a lover of change and an "experience junkie"... i don't think i'd be happy with one specific anything but still i struggle with challenge versus contentedness (which is not necessarily complacence)
i honestly believe that this is "normal"
and i am not trying to be looking because it is possibly naive for me to think i know what i'm looking for, i think it would leave me more jaded than anything. i'm trying to just DO stuff, to BE ALIVE, to be aware of my own ambition and progress, you know.
go go go
and hey, that can translate into so much at once ... and i like to sweat, soooo... sometimes i feel a little sticky.
if any of this is a garble of junk just tell me. i will try to explain if i can even understand where i was going.
heh.
i have got to get back to work now! hahah!
thank you for giving a shit, yo.
thanks for inspiring me to rant into your journal.