thatzac

somebody please come talk to me.
i am not drunk enough tonight to make the things that matter not anymore

she did everything right i am am truly
powerless in the face of
such gracefull manuevers

i wish i could tell you how beautiful my eyes made her
if i could even understand how that worked i
would rampage through my head
pulling wires from the walls
shreiking finally

am i that bad?
i have thought so for years
yet she still has the gall! after all this time
to let me know that i am worthwhile

so fuck you

i have sat for months blade
poised, ready
and you still have the guts to say everythings ok?

if you could see her
and her daughter

and i dream of what we could be and what
our son would have been

she told me after it was done then renewed that
i was "a bad friend"
for giving out in conversation that i could not contend with
without sobbing
just sobbing

lifetime said something about adding
"insult to irony"
well put, boys.

please talk to me tonight.
i want to know that i am not alright and it's allowed
sick of
absent father, absent for so long
back now saying
how good i am and how well i've done for myself
just keep going
just keep finding bigger dreams

fuck! you!

everyone is always looking for something better
something just out of reach
i refuse
refuse!
REFUSE
to follow that tethered carrot

now is so grand and if anyone would just join me in the hurrah! i would at least find some bit of courage

please.

she was so painful tonight.

please give me your words.
please please