thatzac

earlier this evening i wrote a new journal thing. it was a bit funny if i remember. if anyone cares, feel free to check it out.

later this evening i checked the groups i was in and i wrote a poem to post in some poetry group, but the thread that i p[osted it on basically belonged to just one guy and i realized after i posted that he was just waiting for comments and i feel bad about about posting there now. but i really actually like the poem i made up then. it was stream of consciousness so be kind. i am putting it here too. i'm reaaaaalllly drunk now work is gonna suck tomorro.w but i dont have anything els eto look forward to anyway.

if i could, but for a moment, imagine the
percussive
movement of thumb flicking cigarette ash to the sidewalk

if i could for one moment
focus upon the way her teeth clak! together
(incisors meeting in biteangry friendship)
when i toss out, for
argument's sake
a phrase or two that draws forth her displeasure

that, my darlings, my dearest and nearest,

that
is the moment that i would suspend forever in the earth's memory.
that is the moment that i would grab snake-bite like out of the sand of the midwest or sahara or some australia somewhere in the midst of its own ever-and-ever
and dip in the hottest glass
and sell for souveniers.

that is the venomous voice going down in the record books for quickest kill, for slowest death, for the greatest leap ever proposed by man, for first steps on neptune, for longest nails, for most inanimate objects eaten by man and spat up again on fire.


the last time i saw you, you were beautiful.

now let me qualify that a bit;
the first time i saw you, you were beautiful.
every time i have ever had the honor of placing my gaze in your direction, you have been beautiful.

the last time i saw you i felt as if
when you inhaled you took all the air in the room and my lungs with it. the greatest fire terra has ever known, sucking oxygen boundless in its fury.

the last time

the last time i saw you, when i said goodbye, you pulled at my wrist with such tender ferocity, such love and devotion, such madness and such hatred
that i felt frozen
(not in the ice fashion, that's so cliche, but more in the
"i am a mosquito trapped in amber [but not in a science fiction movie]" sort of way).
your fingers poured over me like dripping honey into tea,
melting and becoming and becoming and becoming
'till i was your sugary sweetness that needed to be.

and you hated me for it.

i felt it on your lips when you grabbed me and spun me back around and kissed me like unpremeditated murderers stab
and stab and stab
your tongue not poking, but tearing at me.

your lips parted with the "sweet sorrow" the shakespeare penned. your lips became like death the destroyer of worlds in full oppenheimer regalia, consuming but for the second
and then relinquishing

and then

a simple "goodnight."
"i have to get to bed anyway. holly always wakes up early in the morning.
at least she's sleeping through the nights now.
i'm glad you could hang out for a while.
we should do this again sometime.

i'll talk to you later."



once upon a time


i asked you to be my wife.