thateagleguy

The old saying is "Forgive and Forget", but I think it is not that simple. You must not forget when they forgive is more accurate. Married life isn't about keeping score. I have messed up and done wrong but she has forgiven and moved on. It is now on me to remember that so that I don't do it again. We keep a list of things that we will or won't do. I started keeping a mental list of things while watching my parents. Don't get me wrong...I believe my parents loved each other very much. I would even go so far as to say they loved each other a little more each day. Still from a very early age some of the things they did to each other made me promise myself and the wife I had not yet found to never repeat. Despite this you will still find yourself reacting to youthful programming. The list is not absolute and thus cannot cover every single issue that will arise. When we were living paycheck to paycheck I got a call from a family member saying they needed to be bailed out of jail. I was raised that family comes first. I once saw my father put his mother on a plane to Las Vegas and on the way home realize he didnt have enough money to stop for lunch. As soon as I heard a family member was in trouble I just went on autopilot. I told (didnt asktold) my wife that I had to go to the ATM machine and go bail out some family. I then asked her a question. No, I didnt ask what she thought we should do. I didnt ask if we should come to the rescue. I asked her if she wanted to go to the ATM and then jail with me. So, off I went, alone. It took all but $15 of the money we had in the bank. I had no idea if anyone would be able or willing to pay us back. I had not one plan or notion of what we would do for gas or groceries if nobody could or would pay us back. After I was finished riding around on my white horse and storming castles I went home where my still bewildered wife waited. She calmly told me that she thought my actions were admirable but I had failed at helping the family. I was a bit in shock myself now. The smart lady I married knew that I was not going to be able to just not mount up if family was in peril. So, she gave me another view. She reminded me that she was my first and most important family now. Which brings us to another important lesson: It is not all about you anymore. I may not have cared that day about myself or if I was hurting myself by emptying out the bank but I damn sure should have considered what it meant to her. I am not sure if it is a cultural thing or if it is an ego thing but loads of people I grew up around really clings to the whole lone wolf idea. Kids, once you say I do it is forever more not about you but all about us. This person is your partner in everything. You are now playing the game of life on a team. If one person is not doing their fair share then there is a problem. That being said there will be points where things are off balance. You have to look at the big picture. At one point I was working two jobs and going to school full time. At another point in life I had a cushy job with a little check whereas she made good money and went to school. The two biggest jobs in out house are laundry and dishes. We trade off mostly where I am on KP and she is on laundry or vice versa but that doesnt mean that one completely ignores the other because thats not my job. This goes for everything if you she the other person needs a hand then get off your ass. Teamwork makes the dream work. Are you still thinking what does this do to help me? It will come back to you. Next time you have to work 10 days straight to cover at work you might find both laundry and dishes are clean when you get home that night.