teyla

I FEEL GOOD, NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAH...

I've got a ticket for NICK CAVE! Turns out that Jelena is going too with her, em... Friend? Caroline claims that it's her boyfriend but in that case she hasn't told me, ha ha. Anyway, this could be a great fucking concert. The Cure was a disappointment because, well, I don't like their pop shit. I'm more into Faith and Pornography. Cave's new album isn't fantastic, but he will sure have time for some fantastic songs as well. I'll keep my fingers crossed...



Animal liberation for mom's rabbit...

I sort of wrecked my parents' car. Well, at least a bit... I was going to turn it around and I was too damn cocky for my own good. I'm a dumbass, I just think "What the hell, this ain't so hard" and do stupid things. Always. It's just that since I'm known to be lousy at turning cars around, I sometimes get this urge to prove myself, and I want to believe I'm better than I am and get cocky. NOT a good idea. If you want to make a good job, take a deep breath and fucking CONCENTRATE! If you just rush ahead, you will just screw up again. I need to remember that.

Anyway, I felt kind of lousy so I took a sip of absinthe, just a little, but I could feel the poison going straight into my veins and just felt so damn calm. Then I fell asleep and when I woke up the car was fixed. Turned out it wasn't as bad as it had looked. It was just a lamp that needed to be changed, and then there were some scratches but it's not like my parents care, the car is just a thing you use to get from point A to point B. I can't even wreck things properly, ha ha.



Working at the carwash... WTF?

I've been to the second meeting of the writing course, it was great this time. Last time I felt nervous because it was the first time I returned to the school where I met Davis, and now I was writing about him. I didn't know if the teacher would remember him. But she did, she asked me afterwards if it was about him. And now it doesn't feel weird anymore, though I'm baring it all writing about his death. It just feels great to share, actually. You can always pretend that it's all fiction. You always have to do that as a writer, that's the first thing you learn.

I walked by Davis' old apartment, but I really didn't feel that much. Not anymore. I guess I've stopped chasing around after him in all those different places. I've come to rest now, knowing that all that matters is what I have inside me, my memories. And I love him more than I ever did, it sure hurts but I'm also happy. And perhaps I've come to accept the answers I have inside me as well, not looking for answers where they can't be found. Or perhaps I've just learned not to dig around in that shit anymore... Do you go on or do you just forget?



A pic of the castle him and me built together once... Kind of cute. It's Dracula's castle, of course.

We went out in the evening and got drunk, one guy in my group bought everyone beer all night long. He quit as head of security at Arlanda airport ten years ago, and he's still living off the money they gave him to keep quiet. Or something. Gertrud, the teacher, told me that I was a genius and that people would pay to hear me rant while drunk. Ha ha... She told me to go to this release party of a feminist magazine and tell them that I should write columns for them. So that's what I will do tomorrow. Maybe after a few beers...



Status quo has been all right now for a while, I've been like "Yeah, I'm gonna apply for a job, maybe tomorrow...". Now it turns out that the collective The white horse (no, they're not doing smack ) wants me to move in there after all. Although it's only for two months. I thought that I would just give it a shot, and here I am, I've accepted the offer. It's not that I would mind just hanging around all summer, but I'm nervous I won't get a job when I really need it. I have called the chimney sweeping firms that are within commuting distance from the house, but they don't need an apprentice. OK, I have like two left to call, but still. Maybe I could get a job further away and borrow the car from work...



One of the cats and the house in the background (yep it's a wreck but who cares?)

Anyway, fuck being worried, it will be great fun to finally live in a collective. I have to think about my social life as well, not just the damn money. Now I'll finally have a chance to get to know some people... I will live in a nice little room up on the attic, they have three wonderful cats and lentils and beans and all sorts of stuff are included in the rent. YAY FOR ME!



Amadeus thinks he's a rabbit. He eats vegetarian meatballs as well. Stupid...

Musical mysteries that have been solved lately: The Nick Cave song in which a horse dies is The hammer song. Also I've found out that the line "It looks like Bernadice has finally left her cake out" from Priscilla, queen of the desert, is a reference to the hideous song MacArthur park sung by Richard Harris. Good God, don't tell me it's the same guy who played Dumbledore?