I have been meaning to write a blog a whole lot sooner than this but I didn’t know how to start it out or how much detail I wanted to go into for how to explain my absence from blogging, and before I knew it several months had past. I kept making excuses and allowed myself to get distracted when I actually sat down to write, plus work got a bit crazy here and there and I was usually too tired to do much of anything when I got home. I tried to think of how I wanted to word what happened; at first I felt that I would just keep it brief in saying that I cared for someone deeply but he suddenly disappeared without a word leaving me confused with a wounded heart and it’s taken a very long time to heal. Then I thought to go into a bit more detail about what happened as I haven’t blogged in a long time and I know there will always be someone out there that has gone through what you’ve gone through or is going though it as well and seeing someone else open up about it may help them feel comfort. I also remembered something a dear childhood friend said that spurred me on to blog about what I feel…"Don't hold back. Life is all about being lived. Pain, trouble, love, lust, desire, grief, all of it... is all about walking forward. Experiencing and dealing with everything that comes. Tell your story... it might warn or help others and it will get it off your chest. People are people, that's the only way we can describe it. Be it a lack of intimacy, a lack of personal ability, a lack of anything, but being able to put yourself aside and find peace in yourself even beyond your limitations is what we all look, hope and desire". Writing this blog is my way of letting out what I feel in my heart and to try to find some semblance of peace.
I decided to keep it brief with a bit of detail that I feel comfortable sharing. I know that I don’t have to say anything at all but talking helps people heal. It’s been almost a year since I’ve spoken to him. Another good friend of mine said that he really got under my skin, but to me it feels that he went deeper than that. I know everyone has their opinions and I’m not asking for advice/thoughts nor do I want to hear someone say to just get over him and move on. I’ve stated before in a previous blog that I seemed to have a habit of falling for assholes and someone commented “stop falling for assholes”. I’m not attracted to that behavior and don’t go out of my way to date people like that, it’s after a while they show their true colors and I realize they aren’t the person that I thought they were. That they pretended to be someone they aren’t.
I’ve thought of this from all sorts of angles and I’m merely writing to vent. I am going to put the personal aspect of my absence under spoilers as I don’t know how long it will be, plus for anyone not interested in reading it they can just skip over it and enjoy the photos of everything else I post. I do intend to blog more often so I don’t have the massive blogs that I used to have in the past before the new site layout.
Last year I did well in getting out more, experiencing new things, and just trying to have more fun outside of work. Around the time of my previous blog, my coworkers and I went to Japan Fest and had a blast. I even bought a plush Shy Guy that I have since used for a Zivity set. I have free trials for those who aren't members that are interested in seeing all 28 sets that I have there, I just need an email address.
Sometime after that I got the dreaded Jury Duty notice and had to miss a week of work, much to my boss' and coworkers dismay. At the time there was a coworker that a lot of people didn't like as she didn't really seem to care about doing work properly.
October was a pretty fun month as I went with everyone to Zombie Apocalypse Atlanta, went bowling, and attended my coworkers Halloween party.
In November I attended the Suicide Girls Blackheart Burlesque show at the Masquerade and got to see all the lovely and gorgeous Georgia SG's and Hopefuls.
The new year started off with a bang as I had my very first magazine feature with Sour Magazine!! I've since shot more content to be used as magazine submissions with the amazing Keith Selle, that I probably would of missed out on if it weren't for the stunning @shannon___ tagging me on instagram. The first photo that I posted to start this blog off is an unedited sneak peek from our shoot that I love!!
March rolled around and as a birthday present to myself since my plans at the time to get a new tattoo fell through, I got tickets to see one of my favorite bands Bush! I recorded a video but they don't seem to work when I try to post them in blogs. Stars in Stereo and Theory of a Deadman were the opening bands to play. I had an awesome time aside from the drunken fights that kept breaking out around me. I got a fastlane ticket for the show so I was able to go into the venue early to get a front row spot.
My childhood friend came to town for Furry Weekend Atlanta so I went up to go say hi and hang out as I hadn't seen him since he moved out of state. I've never attended at convention like this before so it was pretty cool.
The Renaissance Festival came and my coworkers and I went during pet friendly weekend. I didn't get a photo in my outfit though but I have an old shot on my instgram from wearing it the previous year, though I wore pants with it haha. I also bought a katana during the Pirate auction for $20. I'd like to use it as part of a cosplay outfit for AWA but don't know of any anime characters that have a similar looking weapon.
The last event that I have a photo from is the team outing that everyone on my job took to white water. No bathing suit photo but it was more see through in the front than the ebay ad lead on. I'm sure eventually I will shoot a Zivity set in it.
Yesterday I went to my coworkers bridal lingerie shower and had a pretty fun time but didn't snag any photos. Her bridal cake was shaped like pyramid head from Silent Hill and white balloons with random faces were everywhere to symbolize different personalities of sperm :-p Drunken games were played and dirty advice was given to the blushing bride to be. I also learned that everyone assumes I'm a huge freak filled with knowledge because I'm so quite at work.
Well time to end this massive blog. I was originally going to post a few homework assignments but that will have to happen another time. After a emotional morning I got a phone call that turned my day around. I was on the waiting list to get a tattoo from an amazing local artist and he had a cancellation that just happens to be on my day off tomorrow. I will go in for my consultation to finally start my half sleeve! I was hoping to have it before my photo shoot in October with NoRegretsPhotography but we'll see. I hope everyone has been doing well and enjoyed their weekends!
~Teva
@missy @rambo @lyxzen
