Hi everyone!
I've gone for another old blog homework topic because my debut set "Neptune" is out in just under 6 days... and there is a bit of a story around this set and the day it was shot.
(Outtake that I now wish we'd chucked into the set!)
By this point I'd completed the rest of my SG application and had plans to shoot with my oldest and best friend (Mez) within the next month, we were brainstroming some ideas and locations as it was actually super HOT in sunny England.
Around this time my relationship ended, it wasn't out of the blue and yet it was. I was shocked, heartbroken and crushed and we had so many routines and habits I felt lost and trapped spending the weekend without him and couldn't face making other plans, I'm sure many of you have been there and you'll know there's really no remedy and you just don't know what to do with yourself.
The next day I phoned Mez and asked if he wanted to shoot that weekend, there wasn't anything else I could think to do with that weekend, and I needed to get out and distract myself. As I can be a person of extremes and impulsive to fault, shooting a nice set for marketing or whatever given my current state wasn't an option, this was going to be my first SG set and I needed to focus on that and that alone to feel OK.
We had a few location ideas and ended up shooting in a surprisingly empty field on a very hot and gorgeous day in June (very special to us Brits) There were only a few passers by and one tiny jet plane that seemed to be suspiciously lingering in circles and barrel rolls :P
It seems like forever ago now and I look so different in the pictures, I'm blonde with blue tips, and about a stone lighter than usual primarily because of the stress brought on by the relationship's decline and and a hyper-aware attitude I had towards food around that time as a result of certain comments and negs made about my wide hips but the moment we started shooting a transformation took place.
For context, this relationship had one of those dynamics where you're always wondering what the other person will think or say about everything you choose to do and put out there. I'd already started an IG feed and nothing was posted by that point where I hadn't heavily considered the thoughts, passive aggressive statements and negging that could result from what I posted, I guess the core thought process being me wanting to be approved of, loved and respected.
But immediately after the realisation that the ties were cut and I was never going to speak to or be spoken to by that person again, it all fell away. I realise as I'm typing this how sudden and fast-paced this seems but this is really how it happened. I'd been holding on and appeasing for such a long time, learning there was nothing else I could do catapulted me into a blissful state of freedom and carelessness that enabled me to shoot this set with only my own opinion in mind, and it was so fun!
Already I had felt "caught" by all the people that mattered most to me and here I was on this beautiful summer's day surrounded by a stunning landscape under clear blue skies in a brand new bralette (my favourite feel good fix is always a new bralette) posing and expressing my sexuality and divine femininity in a way I never would have been able to had he not left my life just a couple of days ago. I can still remember posing myself and only considering how beautiful I would find the poses and pictures, and only I.
We had a long walk back down to the car after this set and I had picked high heeled platforms for the set so after trying a shoe swap with Mez (quite a site) he piggy-backed me to the car whilst I tried not to hit him with the tripod through laughter, we finished the day by getting something to eat and joked about if I was finally going to start eating Oreos again (I did).
The day was so transformative and I would go as far to say spiritual, shooting Neptune brought me back to life again not just from the break-up but all the little pains leading up to it and since that day I've continued to grow in confidence, socialise more and lean on those around me when I need to, I almost can't believe I ever strayed so far from myself. It's really important not to lose yourself in anyone else and I made a little promise to myself that day I never would again, we should only ever censor ourselves as much as Instagram stipulates and no more.
I'm ashamed to say we shot this in the heat of the moment because it's what I needed to do, and research into more popular sets had not been done at this time (same goes for the next set 1 week later) so there are less nudie pics and close ups than I have in my third and forth set by @tripodski but when I look at these pictures all I see is a wonderful soul finding her feet, plus it's classic and pretty as fuck.
I really can't wait to share this with you guys! Hang tight!
@missy @rambo
