tessaruby

Im writing this to get it off my chestand for it all just to go away.

Last Friday me and braiden and a few friends were celebrating my birthday and I drank to much. it sucked. I pissed everyone off, and now Im pissed at everyone and I pissed my pants

I dont remember anything from that night other then everyone telling me to shut up and to knock it off and my face being completely numb.

Braiden said I wouldnt stop crying and I passed out at a gas station parking lot.

Then the list goes on..
I guess I wet my self while in my car
I woke up in an entirely different pair of underwear and pants. And they were half way on me I was on heathers couch in her family room,,, with her mom and baby sister laying next to me? Still completely drunk off my ass with out a clue of how I got there
My best friend and my boyfriend sleeping in the same room down stairs from were I was
My windshield to my car has a huge crack in it
My car reeks of piss, alcohol and vomit.
I have about 9 different bruises with out a clue how they got there..
All of my teeth on the right side of my mouth were loose
Blah blah blah blah blah I dont give a fuck

So now Im trying to avoid everyone and everything because I dont even know what happened

The next morning, I was completely fucked over I drove my self home drunk off my ass (which wasnt far considering I some how was at heathers anyways she lives a block away) when I got home, I started to freak out

Braiden was still drunk. And was no help.. Until about 3 - 4 hours latter when he had finally sobered up.

I puked my guts up, and my entire life considering I didnt eat anything nothing but blood and stomach acid and a clear yellow film was coming up. it was all way to dramatic and one of the not so good memories in my life.. My dad knew I was completely trashed and was pissed at me also.

No one likes a sloppy drunk.. I figured this out when I was 3 or 4. so what the fuck

Ive been drunk before,, Ive puked over a billion times Ive been sloppy and have pissed people off

This time its all to different.. I dont know why I just need to be pissed at everyone including my self for a while.until I figure my shit out

my baby sisters birthday was Saturday night, and I had showed up with mouth wash breath, a swollen face, sore, still drunk/ half dead. / hung over. My family all smiled and blah blahed their way threw cake and presents..

I think I got about 90 different fake laughs/smiles and about 100 dirty looks. And about 100000 disappointed looks..

Its okay cause my mom acted all drugged up anyways.. .. Shes the bad guy, and Im the bad guy fallowing in her foot steps. Remember..?

Each day I relate to her more and more..how can you become someone youve hated your entire life

I havent wanted to talk to them since Saturday either. . If it wasnt for blocked calls I probably wouldnt have either

Blah blah blah.. Life goes on.. . And this is still cramped in to my chest like a hundred bricks fuck blogs and fuck life..